Chapter 12
(California Brandy)
I spent the next week making sure that all of the flavors were consistent and proportionate. The beer had been placed back into the barn in a tub to start fermentation, and I could feel my excitement bubbling up every time I passed it on my way in and out of my little room.
“I can’t wait to taste it,” Babble hiccupped as we sat at the bar.
He was on his third tankard of Pyotr House, and I felt like I had finally convinced him that it was terrible.
“I can’t wait to taste it, either,” I told the tiny gnome. “It’s going to be life-changing.”
“Tyler, could you help me with this?” Hildegard called over.
She was holding a hammer and nail in one hand and a large cloth scroll in the other.
“I’d be glad to,” I said, and I took them from her hands. “What exactly am I helping with?”
“It’s a sign for the festival,” she replied, and her light blue eyes twinkled with mischief. “But since you’re so tall, I was thinking that you could save me the task of balancing on a stool to hang it up. I understand that you’re not my worker of course, but I’ll give you a drink for the trouble.”
“That would be wonderful,” I said. “And it’s my pleasure, of course. You’re a gracious hostess, Hill… I mean, Ms. Hildegard.”
“Oh, stop,” she giggled and then pointed to a well-lit spot near the fireplace. “That would be perfect. You can see it from the door or anywhere inside the bar.”
I nodded and then unfurled the banner. I smiled as I recognized many of the traditional signs of fall, from pumpkins to big tankards of beer, and even an apple tree decorated with bright red apples. And right at the bottom of the poster there was a big black cauldron with Fall Festival in Ridley Fields - See You There inscribed over it.
“It’s great,” I said.
I hammered it into the wall and made sure that it was aligned perfectly before stepping back and admiring my handiwork.
“The fall festival is always my favorite time of the year,” Hildegard sighed. “There’s more business than ever, of course. And in the few weeks after, everyone is excited to taste the winning beer. Even though it’s been the same for the past few years, of course…”
“Well, it won’t be the same this year,” I said. “I promise.”
I couldn’t predict the future, but I’d always heard from those inspirational coaches that you had to state your goals as if they’d already happened, so I was pretty fine making grand statements. I believed in my capabilities, and my brew was coming along very nicely.
“How many barrels will you have?” Hildegard asked. “It seemed like you had a nice amount of beer.”
“Three,” I said. “Three barrels exactly, no more, no less. So I’m going to have to be careful that I don’t lose any to… accidents.”
“Sabotage,” the gnome corrected me.
“Well, you only need one for the competition,” she told me. “But it’s always best to bring two, just in case. Not that I think anything will go wrong, but it’s a good rule. Plus, if you win, the extra barrel will sell for a pretty penny.”
My time in Cassian’s grudge book had taught me that a little accident was always around the corner, so I knew that I had to be vigilant. But I was taking every precaution possible to make sure that the beer was safe. After the bakery incident, Babble and I had gone through the stable and made sure that every crevice was boarded up and that nobody could break in.
“I think we’re going to have enough,” I nodded. “And it’s almost ready for tasting. It smells just amazing, Hildegard, I can’t wait for you to try it.”
“And I can’t wait to try it, either,” Babble said in a dreamy voice. “We’ve been… well, mainly you have been working so hard on the concoction. But I’ve had a fun time as your boss, too!”
“Well, it’s not over yet,” I laughed. “And speaking of that, didn’t you say that we had somewhere to go today? You had a small collection to make.”
“Yes, yes,” Babble said, and he almost fell backwards before Hildegard took his little hand and pulled him back up. “We have to head to Rosewood’s place to collect a hundred silver.”
“Oh, Rosewood?” Hildegard lifted an eyebrow. “He’s a good customer, for a dwarf at least. I thought that he would’ve paid up by now.”
“He was actually very agreeable,” the gnome shrugged. “But he needed a little bit of time to settle his accounts, so I said I’d come back in two weeks.”
“That’s very kind of you,” I said in surprise.
“I can be kind, to the right person,” he hiccuped.
“So where does Rosewood live?” I asked as I tried not to laugh.
“Between here and the gnome city,” Babble said. “So not too far.”
I helped him from the barstool so he wouldn’t smack his head against the floor, and then after a quick wave to Hildegard, we headed out into the city again. We were near the edge of Hagop when Babble turned into a low alleyway, and I had to duck down to avoid the building overhangs that threatened to take my head off.
The gnome stopped in front of a small red door and knocked, and then we waited while a cold wind sent brown leaves scurrying along the road.
“I hope he’s as honest as Hildegard made him out to be,” I sighed. “Because I don’t like when they suddenly get all weird about money.”
“Well, he’s a dwarf,” Babble sighed. “So who knows what will happen when push comes to shove?”
The door finally swung open, and a dwarf wearing a long white tunic with leather drawstrings and blue leggings stood in front of us. Those were usually the types of clothing that humans wore, so I instantly felt a little bit more trusting around him than a lot of the other creatures I’d had to hassle around Hagop.
“Good day,” he said, and he crossed his arms as he looked between me and Babble. “Can I help you two?”
“Oh, Rosewood, don’t play around,” Babble sighed. “I’m here for the hundred silver.”
The dwarf’s eyes widened, but he nodded quickly and then squinted at me.
“Follow me inside,” he said. “Can you fit?”
“Uh, yes,” I replied, though I wasn’t sure.
At least there wasn’t any anger or malice in his voice, so I was feeling pretty good about this collection as we stepped into the house. The place wasn’t very big, and the dimensions reminded me of a child’s treehouse. There were papers and gold candlesticks scattered everywhere, and a stack of books gathered dust in a corner.
The dwarf walked over to a desk, pulled open a drawer, and waggled his fingers before producing a cloth sack. He weighed it in his hand, nodded, and then tossed it toward Babble.
“Hundred silver,” Rosewood said. “I believe that pays the debt in full.”
“Ah,” Babble said. “Well… that was surprisingly easy. Have a good day, Rosewood.”
“Not so fast!” the dwarf snapped before we could escape.
“I knew it was too easy,” Babble muttered under his breath. “Alright Rosewood, what is it that you want now?”
“I have a proposition for you,” he said. “A business proposition.”
“No,” Babble responded. “I gamble independently, and I’m not taking any non-gnomish folk under my wing.”
“No, not for gambling,” the dwarf rolled his eyes. “For the beer. I know that you’re brewing something, Tyler, and I have an idea.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. Even though this guy seemed pretty sound, I’d been in Hagop long enough to know that the dwarves thrived on trickery.
“I’m not taking anyone under my wing, either,” I said, but whether I liked it or not my curiosity was getting the best of me. “But I’m willing to hear your proposal.”
“I think you’ll like it,” the dwarf said and cleared his throat. “Essentially, Tyler and Babble, I have a secret that could help you in your brewing endeavor.”
“Amazing,” I shrugged. “What is it?”
“Ha,” Rosewood chuckled. “Not so fast. That’s not how a deal is made, now, Tyler, is it?”
“I knew that there’d be a catch,” I sighed. “What’s the price?”
“Ten percent of the profits from the first batch,” he shot back.
“Bullshit,” Babble told him. “He’s not doing that.”
“At least let me put forth an argument as to why you should trust me,” the dwarf replied.
“I don’t know, Tyler,” Babble said. “This might be a waste of our time. You can never trust what a dwarf tells you.”
“But I’ve never wronged you, Babble,” the dwarf protested. “Nor have I ever wronged Hildegard.”
“Yes, but you’re still a dwarf,” Babble said.
“And you’re still a gnome,” the dwarf shot back.
“Fine,” Babble huffed. “We will hear your argument.”
“Wonderful,” Rosewood said as he cleared his throat. “Well, I’ve already stated the first reason why you should trust me, which is that I’ve never caused you any harm. The second is that if I’m interested in your beer profits, it’s because I trust the quality of your craft. You seem very committed, and on the off chance that your beer is actually good, I want to share in the profits. And third, Cassian’s great-great-grandfather was in my great-great-grandfather’s grudge book. It was never resolved, and us dwarves don’t forget something like that.”
Cassian again. That little shit. Just hearing his name made me want to punch a wall. But this guy seemed like he might have some good information for us, and I was starting to get tempted by his offer if only so I could inflict another injury on the annoying dwarf.
“Hmmm,” I said. “You actually make a very fair argument.”
“See?” Rosewood responded. “I don’t hate humans for the sake of it. And it seems like you don’t hate dwarves for the sake of it either, Tyler. You just dislike the ones who are out to cause you harm.”
I looked down at Babble, who nodded.
“Hildegard does trust you,” the gnome said. “And if Hildegard trusts you, and you’re telling the truth about this grudge book, well… I trust you too.”
“So it’s settled,” I said. “I trust you, but I’m not giving you any profits. No way.”
“What?” Rosewood sighed. “But I thought you trusted me!”
“Doesn’t mean I’m handing over any money,” I shrugged. “If you care so much about your ancestor’s grudge book, you can help me out upfront and in the future we can do real business.”
He looked at me and rolled his eyes.
“I thought I had it there,” he said. “But you’re quite a shrewd businessman.”
“And you better not be pulling my leg,” I said.
“I can assure you that I’m not,” the dwarf smiled. “And now that the agreement has been made out loud, we can begin. First of all, I know that you’re still quite new in town Tyler. And one thing that you won’t know about the dwarfish world is that they love to brag about the tricks they’ve pulled.”
“I gathered that,” I said. “In fact, that seems to be all they do.”
“Ah, yes, but those are the tricks already performed,” he said. “There are dwarf circles that also bet on tricks to come. And I overheard Cassian in one of the dwarfish bars the other day, telling tales about what he was going to do to sabotage you.”
“I knew it!” the gnome shouted and stomped his foot. “That little weasel!”
“Babble,” I snapped and then turned back to the Rosewood. “Well, the fact that he’s planning something isn’t news, but I wouldn’t mind getting the upper hand this time. Do you really know what he has planned?”
“I do,” Rosewood assured me. “Cassian’s scheme is to corrupt your barrels with river water this very night.”
“But I keep the barn locked,” I said with a frown.
“He knows that,” Rosewood said and waved away my security. “But he’s going to show up at the Lamb and Star tonight and offer you an apology. He’ll get both of you blind drunk, and then one of his cronies will pinch the key for the padlock on the stable.”
“That little shit,” I muttered. “As if I’d fall for something like that.”
I knew that I never would’ve accepted a drink from Cassian, but I wouldn’t have been surprised if his crony still tried to pickpocket the key from me anyway. They might even resort to damaging Hildegard’s inn as a distraction, and I couldn’t live with myself if I let the dwarf get away with that.
“I knew that he would plan something big before the festival,” Babble nodded. “And he’s been quiet these last couple of weeks, so I was sure he was planning something.”
“He’ll offer to cross you out of his grudge book right there,” Rosewood said. “As an act of good will.”
“That’s vicious,” Babble said. “The grudge book is binding. If he did such a thing outside of the confines of the grudge book curse… well, then he would just be acting freely out of malice!”
“Exactly,” Rosewood said. “He’s got bad blood, that dwarf. He’s a sore loser like his great-great-grandfather, but luckily for him, there’s enough dwarves out there who are exactly the same or he probably would have been chased out of town long ago.”
“I can’t believe it,” I shook my head. “Rosewood, this information is indispensable to us. Thank you so much for sharing it. But… you’re not some kind of… dwarf traitor now, are you?”
“No, no,” he laughed. “I don’t hate humans, but I’m also doing my family a favor. As I said, the grudge book lives on, and I knew that I had to continue my great-great-grandfather’s legacy somehow.”
“Well, what are we going to do?” Babble asked. “We don’t have much time to plan an ambush--”
“We don’t need to ambush anyone,” I said. “And we might be able to use this to our advantage.”
“Oh?” Babble said.
“When I go to bed I lock it from the inside,” I said. “So first of all, I suggest that we get Flora to stay in the stable with the key so that they can’t get to it if they tried. I know that they have nimble little hands that are good for stealing.”
“That’s very wise,” Babble said. “We can arm her with a pitchfork, too.”
“Perfect,” I said. “And I’m not going to drink tonight. I don’t want anything clouding my vision if they’re trying to trick us.”
“Yes, I… ugh, alright,” Babble sighed. “But wait… what about this? You’ve done a lot for me these past few weeks, so I’d like to return the favor. I will challenge the group to a drinking game of the finest elvish brandy on offer. Whoever loses has to pay the bill. They’ll be absolutely sozzled!”
“And meanwhile, I can stake out the stable,” I said. “I’ll pretend I’m going somewhere else so they think it’s unattended. And just when they’re about to strike, I’ll get them!”
“Yes!” Babble laughed.
“But...” Rosewood murmured and then frowned. “Will they still try to go through with the plan if they don’t have the key?”
“If I get them drunk enough they will,” Babble replied. “Especially if I keep talking about how wonderful the beer is going to be. I’ll mention all the exotic ingredients we’ve purchased. That will get Cassian seeing red. He’ll be even more determined to ruin the beer, even if he has to break the door down with his fists.”
“Then this could work,” Rosewood said as he waggled his fingers. “You know, you two really do make quite an impressive team.”
“I like to think so, too,” I said.
“I can keep watch too, if you want,” Rosewood said. “It only seems fair, not that I’m part of the team, but I do stand to profit from your success. I can find a place in a corner where they won’t see me and let you know if they do anything shifty.”
“An excellent idea,” Babble said as he bobbed his head. “You can never trust a dwarf to be straight up, even when it comes to a drinking game. Oh, sorry Rosewood.”
“Oh, it’s fine,” he said and shook his head. “Trust me, I know better than anyone how untrustworthy dwarves can be.”
“We should talk to Flora,” I said. “Make sure she’s willing to do this. And then we’ll head back to the bar to wait for Cassian to show up. Er, that’s assuming there’s no one else we need to visit today.”
“Oh, I think we’re good,” Babble chuckled. “Now that Rosewood paid, I can wait another day or two to collect the other debts I’m owed.”
“I’m always a man of my word,” Rosewood said. “Even if it takes me an extra day or two to fulfill my promises.”
“This is so exciting!” Babble declared and twirled in a circle. “I can’t wait to pull one over on Cassian again!”
“And I can’t wait to taste your brew, Tyler,” the dwarf added, and he bowed his head at me as a sign of respect. “It’s all anyone is talking about, and though most people are laughing, I think you’ll give Pyotr House a run for his money this year. “
I dipped my head as well because Rosewood had turned out to be a real stroke of luck. I looked down at the tiny gnome beside me and wondered if he was some kind of lucky token for me. I mean, they were good at games of chance, so why not?
“You two head to the bar,” I said. “And I’ll fetch Flora. We need to have everything in place before they show up.”
“Of course,” Babble said and nodded at the dwarf. “After you.”
We followed Rosewood back to the front door, and once we stepped outside, Babble and Rosewood veered to the right while I continued down the road toward the bakery. I wasn’t sure if Flora would still be there since it was well into the afternoon, but if she’d already left, I could find out where she lived from the baker.
But Flora was still in the shop, and I watched her through the open door as she mopped the floor while she hummed a tune. She was wearing a pale pink dress with puffy sleeves, which was an unusual color for Hagop, but she looked amazing in it.
“You’re here awfully late today,” I said as I stepped inside.
“Oh, Tyler!” she laughed. “I knew that we had plans to meet later to talk about the festival, but…”
“Um, actually, there’s something I need your help with,” I said as I shut the door. “Long story short, Babble and I heard from Rosewood that Cassian is planning to get us drunk so one of his buddies can steal the key for the barn. Then, they’re going to pour river water into the brew!”
“That scoundrel,” she whispered, and her eyes widened with fear. “Do you have a plan? You always seem to have a plan…”
“Of course I do,” I replied with a grin. “That’s actually why I’m here.”
“Ah, so you have a part for me in this plan,” she giggled.
“I do,” I said. “I’d like you to stay in the stable and lock it from the inside while we’re in the bar. We’ll arm you with a pitchfork, just in case the dwarves somehow get past us, but if all goes well, you won’t need it.”
“Oooh!” she giggled. “A pitchfork… well, I’ve never had to hurt anyone before, but I guess that this is for a good cause! So what will you and Babble be doing?”
“Babble’s going to challenge them to a drinking game,” I replied. “I’ll use that as my opportunity to sneak out to the yard where I’ll wait for them to strike. When they do, I’ll be ready.”
“And I’ll run out to help you,” she said and mimed stabbing something with a pitchfork. “I’d love to put a few holes in that horrible dwarf.”
“Well, I hope it won’t come to that,” I laughed. “But Babble and Rosewood are already on their way to the Lamb and Star. We should probably head over there soon if we want to get you in place before Cassian arrives.”
“I’m done here,” she said as she untied her apron. “I was just tidying up a bit while I thought about what I wanted to experiment with next.”
“So you still have a job?” I asked. “Even though Madame Abbey didn’t get her bread?”
“Not only do I still have a job,” she replied. “But Madame Abbey has a standing weekly order for the buns.”
“I told you it would work out,” I laughed.
“Let’s go out the back way,” she suggested as she pulled me through the shop. “So they won’t see us sneaking into the barn.”
“You’re really into this,” I noted.
“For a chance to get some revenge on that sneak?” she retorted. “Absolutely!”
Flora led me through a couple of narrow alleys and a wide dirt road lined by small homes until we reached the edge of the inn’s property. We snuck around the side of the building to the yard, and after making sure that there was no one else around, I handed her one of the pitchforks that Hildegard used to give Tulip her bales of hay.
“Remember, don’t hurt anyone if you don’t have to,” I whispered as I opened the padlock. “But if you do, I’m not judging.”
“Yes, Sir,” she giggled.
I felt myself blush as I handed her the lock and the key, but I forced myself to check the yard again for any intruders. I waited until Flora had slipped inside, closed the door, and locked it from the inside, before I made my way to the inn.
When I stepped into the bar, I was surprised to see that Babble was already drinking with a handful of dwarves. I nodded once as I scanned the room for Rosewood. I spotted our dwarf friend in a corner, and he gave me a subtle nod before he lifted his mug.
“Well, here’s my giant,” Babble declared.
Four hungry-looking dwarves turned around to stare at me, though Cassian was the only one I recognized. My nemesis was leaning on the bar, and he offered me the fakest grin I’d ever seen in my life before gesturing at me with his yellow fingernails.
“Ah, yes,” he coughed. “Come here, Tyler. I think that a few apologies must be made.”
His friends offered him some evil grins of their own before they turned to me and batted their eyelashes innocently.
“I agree,” I said. “You’ve been a pain in my ass, Cassian.”
“Not so fast,” he laughed to himself. “I thought that we should probably just make amends now. You’re sorry for getting my hops... I mean, how were you to know that they were the last of the crop? You’re new in town. And of course, I’m very sorry for trying to sabotage your team at every turn.”
I lifted an eyebrow at him, but I didn’t say anything at first. I wasn’t sorry at all for taking those hops, but I knew that I had to throw him a bone if we wanted to catch him in the act.
“Fine,” I said. “It’s fair and square.”
“Good,” Cassian nodded. “Now, let’s shake on it.”
“Not so fast,” I said and I cast a look at Babble. “How about I buy you a drink, Cassian? It’s how we say sorry in my culture.”
I wasn’t about to shake his hand, because for all I knew, it was just another binding contract. But luckily, Babble stepped in with the next phase of the plan.
“If I may, I have a better idea,” the small gnome said. “How about a game? A game for all of us to make friends. I have the perfect suggestion. We can have a night of drinking checkers! And to make it interesting, whoever loses has to pay the tab for the party.”
“How’s that work?” I asked.
“Whenever you take someone’s piece they have to take a drink and if you get a king, they have to finish their whole drink,” Babble replied
“I like the sound of that,” one of the dwarves said. “Depending on what we’re drinking, of course.”
“Oh, pumpkin brandy of course,” Babble said, and all of their eyes widened. “It’s the season for it, after all, and it’s some of the finest brandy on offer at the moment. And it wouldn’t be a fun game without any stakes now, would it?”
The dwarves exchanged a look, and then they glanced at Cassian.
“I think it would make us the best of friends,” I added. “And there’s no better way of making friends than getting blind drunk with them.”
I could see that Cassian’s ears perked up at that, and he nodded at the others.
“Let’s do it,” he said. “But I should warn you, giant, since you’re new to Hagop. Us dwarves can be particularly competitive. I wouldn’t want you two to get into something that you weren’t prepared to lose.”
“Oh, I don’t intend on losing,” I smiled, while Babble bristled at the suggestion that only me and the dwarves were the ones who would be the real competitors.
“I’m a three-- no-- four time gnomish checkers champion,” Babble whispered to me. “They are doomed.”
“Well, then, let the game begin!” Cassian said.
“Hildegard,” I called out.
The innkeeper looked up, and for a moment, she frowned when she saw me with the dwarves. She sauntered over, nodded to Babble, scowled at the dwarves, and then looked at me.
“Hello, Tyler,” she said. “You’ve got some interesting drinking companions tonight.”
“We’ve decided to let bygones be bygones,” I said. “And Babble had a wonderful idea to celebrate. We’re going to play a match of drink checkers!”
“Oh, how fun,” Hildegard said and rolled her eyes. “And what drink will you be wasting in this effort?”
“I think we settled on a nice bottle of Guthry elven brandy,” Babble said. “We want the stakes to be high.”
“Guthry brandy!” Hildegard said as her eyes went wide. “Well, that’ll be a hundred and fifty silver to whoever loses.”
“Bring it on,” I said and then shot a wink at the bar mistress.
She rolled her eyes again, but as soon as the dwarves looked away, she winked at me as well. Babble must have told her our plan, though I had to admire how well she’d played her part.
“I see a table that’s available,” Babble said as he dropped to the floor.
The gnome led the way to one of the large wooden tables that had just been vacated by a group of elves. We took our seats on the benches, with me and Babble on one side and the dwarves on the other.
“Here’s the board,” Hildegard said as she plunked a wooden board marked with red and white squares on the table. “And here are the pieces. I haven’t counted them in a while, but I assume they’re all there.”
“Thank you, kind innkeeper,” Babble replied as he accepted the two small sacks.
He handed one sack to Cassian and then opened the other one to pour out round wooden disks that had been painted a bright blue. The dwarf did the same to reveal a pile of yellow disks, and then the gnome and the dwarf lined up their discs on the board in the same neat lines like we used back home.
“And the brandy,” Hildegard added as she returned to the table. “Have fun, gentlemen.”
“Oh, it will be, for sure,” Babble replied as he rubbed his hands together. “Nothing beats a bottle of brandy.”
Even the cork on top had been fashioned into a heart shape, and the liquid inside the clear bottle had a dark amber color with a hint of orange. The scent of grape filled the air as Babble removed the cork, and I drank it in for a moment. It reminded me of a brandy I sampled in the Napa Valley that I really enjoyed.
“Very nice,” I said and smiled at Cassian.
Yep, the brandy really did look pretty damn good. And I couldn’t wait to jump into the game and make sure these guys got their comeuppance.
Hildegard came by and placed some small shot glasses on the table. They were a little rounder than the ones back in Portland, but there was no mistaking their purpose.
“Let’s play,” Babble said, and he shifted one of our blue checkers forwards.
Checkers was nowhere near as hard as chess, so the first five minutes culminated in Babble and Cassian’s friend, Sarnard, taking three entire shots of the precious pumpkin brandy. Babble and Cassian had each taken smaller amounts, but the alcohol was starting to take effect anyway.
“I’ll take the next one,” I offered, even though I’d made a decision not to drink that night. “If you lose, that is.”
“Nonsense,” Babble hiccupped. “I thought you said that you were meeting a friend at Guthry’s to talk about… pigeon shooting.”
“Pigeon shooting!” one of the dwarves on our bench piped up. “I didn’t know that you were a man after my own heart. We love shooting pigeons. You should come along sometime.”
Cassian elbowed the dwarf in the ribs and scowled at the man, and the guy quickly looked down at the board like he was ashamed of making the offer. But when Cassian looked at me, he smiled and nodded like he thought it was a grand idea.
“Thanks for reminding me,” I said. “In fact, I should probably get going. Are you sure you’re okay on your own for tonight?”
“Go on,” he insisted. “I don’t want you to be late. And now that me and Cassian are friends, I don’t have to worry about anyone trying to beat me up or steal from me.”
“That’s right,” Cassian added as he nodded a little too vigorously and almost fell off the bench.
“Well, that’s fine then,” I said. “And I’m glad we were able to resolve our differences. I’ll see you guys later.”
“Goodnight, Tyler,” the dwarves all said in unison, like the creepy pod people from a cheap horror movie.
I felt a chill race up my spine, but I managed to smile like I thought all was right with the world. I nodded to Babble, waved to Hildegard, and then headed for the door. I wandered a short distance down the street in case any of the dwarves were watching, and then I ducked between a couple of buildings and made my way to the yard.
Tulip’s snores guided me to the stable, and I crouched down below the now boarded-up window. I couldn’t see inside, but I was close enough to the door that I’d hear the dwarves when they finally made their move.
It was cold in the darkness, and I started to shiver while I waited. I pulled my cloak a little tighter and willed Cassian to make his move. A few minutes later, I was blowing hot breath into my hands and rubbing them together, and there was still no sign of the dwarves.
My legs were starting to ache, and my nose was starting to itch before I finally heard footsteps move away from the back door. I sighed in relief and then hoped it wasn’t just a drunk customer looking to relieve themselves.
“Back here,” a voice hissed, and then the steps ran across the yard toward the edge of the property.
It took everything I had not to leap out at the dwarves right then, but I had to catch them in the act, or else the bastards would just claim that they were drunk and looking for a place to piss or something. But there was no way I was going to let them slip out of the trap this time. I was going to make my mark with my beer, and these pathetic little shits weren’t going to stop me. I would fight for my business at all costs, because I knew that we were making something worthwhile.
“Is this enough?” one of the voices hissed.
“It should be plenty,” Cassian replied. “We just add a bucket to each barrel, and that will be the end of the human’s beer.”
“It was very clever, letting the fish guts soak in the buckets all day,” another dwarf said. “And leaving them hidden behind the firewood.”
“The river water isn’t dirty enough on its own,” Cassian replied. “Now let’s get this done before the gnome comes looking for us.”
The footsteps started to head back to the barn, but this time I could hear something sloshing around as well. The buckets must have been heavy, because the dwarves were moving more slowly.
“Did you get the key, Sarn?” Cassian whispered when they finally reached the barn.
“No,” the dwarf admitted. “There wasn’t anything in his pocket. I placed my hand inside, but it was empty.”
“You stupid fool,” he hissed. “Maybe the gnome has the key...”
“Or Hildegard,” one of the other dwarves suggested and then hiccuped. “It is her barn. Um, but I don’t see a lock…”
“We don’t have time to search for it,” Cassian snapped and then tried to open the door. “We’ll just have to break it down.”
And that was about all I could take. I didn’t want to have to replace the door to the barn or repair whatever else the dwarves broke in their quest for revenge. Hildegard didn’t deserve that.
“Hey!” I shouted as I stood up and then had to fight to keep my balance.
I’d been crouched down for so long that I thought my knees would buckle, but at least I had the pleasure of seeing Cassian’s eyes pop wide-open in surprise. I managed to take two long strides forward, and I grabbed the bucket of fishy river water from Cassian’s small hands.
The dwarf tried to use his long nails to hang on, but I was too strong. I jerked the bucket from his grasp, which left long claw marks in the wood. The dwarf sputtered, but I wasn’t interested in his excuses. I emptied the contents of the bucket over Cassian’s head, then grabbed another bucket from Sarn and did the same to him.
“Nice giant!” a third dwarf shouted before he dropped his bucket and ran off with the last dwarf.
“Sarn!” Cassian sputtered. “Sarn, do something!”
“C-Cass,” Sarn coughed and then put his head down and ran at me.
It was easy to step out of the way, and I stuck out my left foot at the last second so that Sarn crashed face-first into the stable door. His face scraped against the rough surface as he slid to the ground, and I tried not to laugh as I thought about how many splinters were in his face.
But hey, the dwarf deserved every splinter in the world for trying to ruin my beer.
“Babble!” I shouted. “I’ve caught them!”
The back door popped open, and light spilled out from the bar. The gnome hustled outside, along with most of the other customers. I had no idea if Babble had filled them in on our plan after Cassian had left the bar, but they were certainly interested in whatever was going on in the yard.
“Ha!” Babble laughed as he danced around the yard.
There was a clanking noise from the barn, and then the door slid open. Flora’s pink dress was covered in hay, but she brushed it off as she looked at the scene.
“Shame on you!” she shouted, and she pointed to the fallen dwarves. “And shame on your trickery! If I had a grudge book, you’d be written in there ten times!”
“Get up,” I ordered.
Cassian glared at me, but my own angry look was enough to make him help Sarn to his feet. The dwarf looked like he wanted to punch me and then run away, but there were so many people that there was no way he could escape.
“Tyler,” Cassian laughed as he looked around. “Tyler, this isn’t what you--”
“I know about your plan,” I said angrily. “You bragged to the other dwarves that you were going to pour river water into my brew. And if that wasn’t bad enough, I just heard you admit that you added fish guts to it.”
The crowd gasped, and then angry murmurs started to buzz around us. It was one thing to one-up a business rival, but this was a step too far, even in Hagop. Cassian started to look around for an escape route, but the other customers tightened their circle.
“I won’t stand for this kind of trickery in my inn,” Hildegard declared as she stepped forward. “And for your crimes, I demand that you drink all of the remaining river water.”
“This is ridiculous!” Cassian said. “It was just a silly prank between friends. There aren’t any fish heads… and a little extra water would only...”
But the fishy stench that filled the air was ample proof that the dwarf was lying.
“This wasn’t some stupid prank,” I growled. “You’ve been trying to sabotage me since day one. And now you’ll pay!”
“There’s no more river water,” Sarnard pleaded. “It spilled all over us and the ground. You can put us in any book you want, just let us leave!”
“Insolent beggar!” Cassian hissed, but before I knew it, Johannes came over carrying a bucket of river water.
“Hildegard told me to fetch this,” he said, and he shot me a smirk. “Even added a few bits of old fish, for some extra flavor.”
“No,” Cassian coughed. “No… no…”
“Drink it up!” the crowd started to chant. “Drink it up! Drink it up! Drink it up!”
I felt something tug at my pants, and I looked down to find Babble stumbling around.
“Drink it up!” he joined in with a tiny, angry fist. “Drink it up!”
I looked down at the two dwarves and felt like the tallest man in the world. And not only that, I felt like the most popular guy in Hagop, too. There were about fifty people chanting against my opposition, and I’d never had anything that satisfying happen in my life before.
“Hilly…” Cassian coughed as his knees wobbled. “Hilly, I come here often enough. You can’t do this to me!”
“Don’t ever call me Hilly,” she scolded. “I’m Miss Hildegard to you. You have caused quite enough trouble at my establishment. Now drink it up, or I’ll make sure that you never set foot in here again!”
The dwarves gazed at each other with wide-open eyes. They knew that they’d lost this time, and they knew that they were about to be subjected to the worst public embarrassment possible.
Johannes lifted an eyebrow at the seething Cassian, who held his small hands out.
“If you pour this on the ground we’ll catch you,” the fisherman said with a smile. “So don’t even think about it!”
“I can take my punishment,” the dwarf growled, and he took the wooden bucket in his hands.
He closed his eyes before pressing his lips to the bucket and starting to drink. The crowd erupted in howls, but all I was focused on was the pained expression that Cassian was trying to hide.
“Ha!” Babble laughed as Cassian chugged half of the bucket. “River water with fish guts! He’ll be full of worms, now!”
“Hand it over to Sarnard,” Hilly ordered him, and the dwarf did as he was told.
Sarnard’s face looked like he’d been hit by a porcupine from all the splinters, and for a second I even pitied him. But then again, he was part of a plot to sabotage me, and I didn’t give a fuck about how he felt.
Yeah, I didn’t want to be in that position. But I would never be like them. I would never be so dishonest and conniving. These guys had tried to find trouble, and they’d found it alright.
I tried not to smile so hard, but karma was a real bitch sometimes.
The dwarf pressed the bucket to his mouth just like Cassian and took a sip.
“Mercy!” Sarn coughed and sputtered, but the crowd continued to chant.
“Coward!” Babble pointed at him
“Coward!” Johannes and Hildegard laughed. “Coward, coward!”
“Fine!” he huffed as tears pricked at the corner of his eyes.
I watched as the dwarf tried to hold his breath as he drank, and after a painful minute of guzzling, he retched a few times before setting the bucket to the side and collapsing on the ground by the stable door.
The bar crowd erupted in cheers, and Johannes looked at me and winked. Hilly shot me a smile, and Flora was jumping up and down with her fists in the air.
Man, these guys loved justice. It was hard justice, but the dwarves deserved it.
“Now get out of my sight,” I shouted, and the crowd went quiet.
Cassian pulled Sarnard up from his sorry heap and shot me the most evil look I’d ever seen in my life.
“And to think that I was going to cross you out of my grudge book,” he seethed.
“I know your ways,” I boomed. “I know that was just a ruse so you could sneak in here and destroy my brew. I’ll never trust another word you say. Now get out of here!”
“This isn’t over,” Cassian growled as he pulled Sarn through the crowd.
The other customers hissed at the dwarves, but they parted just enough to let the pair pass. When they reached the edge of the yard, Cassian turned around one last time.
“What do you want now?” Hildegard huffed.
“You will pay for this,” Cassian said and spat on the ground. “Mark my words, Tyler King, you will pay!”They disappeared into the pitch-black night, and once the sounds of their footfalls were gone, the bargoers turned to me.
“Are you really a King?” Someone said from the crowd. “You’re awfully large.”
“I’m no King,” I announced. “But I’m named after one. I’m Tyler King, and I’m going to be the best brewer in Hagop!”
The crowd started laughing, and they slapped each other on the backs before heading back into the bar.
“We did it!” a tiny voice came from my ankles, and I looked down to see Babble dancing at my feet. “Tyler, you thwarted him! Goodbye, Cassian!”
“I’m not so sure about that,” I sighed.
After all, he hadn’t officially written me out of his grudge book. And even if he had, I knew that he would be up to his old trickery anyway. This guy wasn’t going to give me a break until he beat me, even though I’d beaten him at every turn so far.
But I knew the one thing that would put his antics to a stop. Once I won that beer contest, he’d pipe down and leave me the hell alone, if only because it would make too many other people angry. Even a dwarf wouldn’t want to face down a crowd of angry beer drinkers who couldn’t get their beer.
“Hey,” I said to Hildegard and Flora, who were busy giggling to themselves. “I have an idea.”
“What?” they both asked.
“A Tyler idea is a King’s idea!” Babble hiccuped, and he held onto my velvet pants for support. “What’s the idea?”
“I think it’s been long enough,” I said. “And tonight seems like the perfect night to find out if it worked.
“If what worked?” Hildegard asked as she looked at Flora and then Babble.
“Oh,” Flora said and clapped her hands. “Do you really think…?”
“It’s time to test the King’s Brew!” I declared.