Chapter 14
I clambered down the stairs and waved down the elf, who was holding a large scroll and a plumed pen as he looked around at the yard. I could see the disapproving look he gave the rough-and-tumble area, though he did nod politely to Tulip.
“Taking beer signatories,” he said, and his eyes widened when he looked up at me. “Um, the gnome indicated there was someone here…”
“Morning,” I said. “I’m the one who’d like to sign up to be part of the beer festival. I have a brew I’d like to enter.”
“Very well,” he nodded. “I’ll need your name first.”
“Tyler King,” I responded.
“Ah,” he nodded. “A King living in a barn?”
“It’s just my name, I’m not really a King,” I told him.
“Pity,” he muttered. “And the name of your brew, please.”
“King’s Brew,” I told him, and he nodded.
“Very good name,” he answered. “And that’s all I’ll need from you for now. Would you like me to list the tavern as your official place of residence?”
“Please,” I said. “That would be the most convenient.”
“Very good, very good,” he murmured before looking up at me. “Well, I suppose you know that the festival takes place in the Stroop Fields, a six-hour journey by donkey from here. You’ll need to be at the festival by noon on the day of the judging to enter the competition. Any later than that, and you won’t be allowed to submit anything.”
“Easy,” I nodded.
Flora was usually up before the crack of dawn anyway, so I was sure she could get me up in time. As long as we weren’t busy together the night before, of course.
“The judging takes place in six days’ time,” he said and glanced at his list. “And, uh… is there anything else that you need to know?”
“How many barrels of beer do I need to bring?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer.
“Well, one,” he scoffed. “But most of the entrants tend to bring another as well, just in case something happens. Once we had a group of pigs break into the beer, and the entire festival had to be shut down. They tried again a week after, but it was a disaster.”
“Right,” I nodded. “Look out for pigs and bring an extra barrel of beer.”
“And don’t forget to have fun,” the elf said with a pained grin.
Man, that was the last thing that I expected to hear an elf telling a human. But I shrugged and took it with a pinch of salt, though I hoped it meant that maybe some of the elves weren’t too bad around here.
“Thanks,” I said as he hopped back on his cart.
I waved him off, but I started to feel my thoughts trail away before I’d even turned back to the inn.
Yeah, I sure as hell was going to have fun. I mean, I was only going to start my entire brewing empire on the back of the best beer that I’d tasted in my life.
And now the festival was only days away. I leaned back on the barn and breathed in the sweet autumn air.
“Yes” I said to myself as a ray of sunshine passed over my body.
I’d gotten the beer, I’d entered the festival, and I’d just spent an amazing night with Flora.
Life was awesome.
“You look happy with yourself,” a familiar voice startled me out of my trance.
I blinked a few times to find Hildegard standing in the doorway as she regularly did.
“Ah, good morning Hildegard,” I smiled.
“Good morning,” she lifted an eyebrow and crossed her arms over her chest.
Today she was wearing an emerald-green dress with a burgundy sash around the waist. Her long black hair had been tied into a burgundy bow, and her cheeks looked even more freckled than usual in the sunlight.
“You look wonderful,” I said. “That dress looks beautiful on you.”
“Oh,” she said as she looked down at her dress. “Thank you.”
“You are welcome,” I said. “I’m happy to know you.”
“I am happy as well. In fact, I’m very proud of you Tyler. Though I certainly hope you didn’t finish everything you brewed after I left.”
“It would’ve been all too easy,” Babble called from somewhere inside the inn.
“Oh, don’t worry,” I laughed. “We didn’t finish the whole thing. I wouldn’t want to deprive the town, not after that crowd helped us beat Cassian last night.”
“Well, I’m sure everyone in Hagop is very proud of you today,” she smiled. “Especially Flora. Anyway, I have to get back to cleaning the inn. I don’t have any magical fairies that will take care of that for me.”
She turned around on the ball of her foot and stepped inside. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve said that she was even a little bit jealous.
I shrugged to myself and then walked across the yard to the door. I could smell the peppermint before I even stepped inside, and every surface already glowed, just like it did every morning.
“Ah, look who it is,” Babble declared. “So, did you sign up for the festival?”
“Sure did,” I answered. “And I can’t wait. We have to be there…”
“In six days by noon exactly,” Hildegard said as she scrubbed behind the bar. “Don’t worry, I know the rules. I’ll make sure you get there in time”
“Thanks, Hildegard,” I said since I apparently still hadn’t earned the right to call her Hilly.
“That beer you made was magnificent,” she said without looking up. “You know, if I were you, I’d start drawing up a budget for what you want to buy when… or rather, if you win the prize money. Sometimes the judges ask the contestants questions about the brewery they want to build as well as the beer. It’s to make sure they aren’t awarding the prize to someone who doesn’t really want to be a brewer. And since you’re a human…”
“Oh, right,” I said and nodded. “Humans don’t brew beer. Well, good beer. Do you really think they’ll believe me when I say I want to be a full-time brewer?”
“After they taste what you’ve created?” she asked as she finally looked up. “I think the beer speaks for itself.”
“I guess I’m worried about the dwarven judges,” I sighed. “What if they give me bad marks because of what I did to Cassian last night?”
Hildegard stopped wiping the bar again and huffed.
“I’m surprised you’ve given any thought to the dwarves since last night,” Hildegard shot back.
I heard Babble snicker, and I could feel my cheeks starting to turn red.
“It shouldn’t be a problem,” Babble finally said. “It’s not like Cassian is a top brewer, and all the dwarves know that. I wouldn’t be surprised if many of them are laughing about his comeuppance.”
“Besides, the judges work very hard to be fair,” Hildegard said. “Well, most of them do.”
“And even the dwarves won’t be able to resist the sweet nectar that you’re about to offer them,” Babble added. “I can promise that.”
“They’ll be demanding barrels from you,” Hildegard added reluctantly. “Everyone is going to want a taste. I know that you’ll place, but there aren’t the same cash prizes for second or third. So if I were you, I’d make sure that your presentation was perfect if you really want to nail down first place.”
“And how can I make my presentation perfect?” I added. “Do I have to… pitch something?”
“Just be prepared to answer the questions,” Hildegard said. “They’ll ask you details about the process you used, the ingredients you selected, basically anything and everything about the beer. But like I said, they’ll also ask questions about the brewery you want to build. So you should be ready to describe what you want to build.”
“Well,” I said and thought for a moment. “I want all of my own equipment, obviously, though I might have to special order some of the pieces. I want my own building and land that’s near the farms where I’ll buy most of the ingredients that I don’t grow myself. Oh, and I’ll need to be near a major road or river so I can visit other suppliers.”
“Sounds like you’ve already thought about it,” Babble said.
“I have,” I said. “I know all of the equipment that I’ll need to start, and I even have plans for what I can add down the line. And there’s plenty of land around here, so I think I can find some that meets my requirements.”
“Maybe you should start looking,” Babble suggested. “Just so you can say to the judges that you have a place in mind.”
“That’s a good idea,” I replied.
“Don’t forget that you’ll need two barrels for the competition,” Hildegard said. “I have one that you can take in the cellar, but you’ll need to buy another one in town.”
“Oooh, and we can trick Cassian again if we do,” Babble chuckled. “If we only buy one barrel, he’ll think we’re only taking one.”
I furrowed my brow and looked down at the tiny gnome.
“Aren’t you supposed to take two barrels?” I asked. “I was told that I might get ambushed by… I don’t know, wild pigs or something.”
“Oh, the pigs here love beer,” Hildegard shook at the thought of them. “You have to be careful around the pigs.”
“Just to be clear,” I added, since I hadn’t actually seen many pigs in Hagop. “Pigs are big pink creatures who… grunt, right? Like they can’t talk?”
“Of course they can’t talk,” Babble laughed. “They’re livestock. Wait, can pigs talk back in Portland?”
“No,” I said. “But in Hagop, a lot of things seem real that aren’t real in Portland, either. Like you, for example. I’ve never hung out with a gnome before.”
“No wonder you like this place so much,” he replied. “And yes, we should perhaps in fact bring three barrels of beer to the festival. But if Cassian thinks you’re only bringing one, then his next dastardly plan will only involve destroying one of your barrels.”
“But I thought I got rid of him yesterday,” I groaned. “I don’t want to plan my entire life in this beautiful city around avoiding some loser dwarf who couldn’t get his act together.”
“Yeah, Babble,” Hildegard added. “He looked like he was pretty finished with the whole thing to me. The look on his face when you made him drink that water… it was like he wanted to crawl into a hole and die.”
“But that’s why he’ll come back with a vengeance,” Babble replied. “I swear it. You can’t be removed from the grudge book unless you’re dead or somehow convince your enemy that there’s zero chance they’ll ever get their revenge on you, and then they’ll just leave it to the next generation to deal with.”
“I mean, they looked pretty defeated when they left here last night,” I said.
“Unfortunately, public embarrassment isn’t the be all and end all for the dwarves,” Babble explained. “Or else they would disappear in droves… No, you’ve foiled his plans, but you haven’t actually attacked him. As far as the dwarf is concerned, he’s still got the upper hand because all you do is respond to his attacks.”
“So I need to attack him?” I asked the tiny gnome.
“Exactly,” he said and nodded so hard that he looked like a bobblehead. “And it can’t be some piddling thing like Cassian tried last night. It has to show that you’re bigger and stronger, and if he doesn’t end the war, he’ll be completely destroyed.”
“Ugh,” I groaned. “This grudge book thing is a lot of work.”
“Yes,” Hildegard said and glanced at the gnome. “Which is why dwarves and gnomes waste so much of their lives on such petty things.”
“They’re not petty,” Babble huffed.
“Well, we probably bought ourselves some time at least,” I said. “Cassian will have to come up with a new plan and find people who are still willing to work with him.”
“And with the festival so close, he’ll need to focus on his preparations for that,” Hildegard pointed out.
“So will I,” I said. “And it sounds like the first thing I need to do is find a barrel.”
“They have barrels at the market now,” Hildegard replied. “The coopers always set up a spot there the month before the festival. But Babble is right about being seen, I suspect there will be another move by Cassian.”
“You’re totally right, so here’s the plan,” I began, and my co-conspirators leaned in. “I buy one barrel for the beer, borrow the old one from Hildegard, and get Flora to buy one in secret. This way we have a beer supply they are unaware of and cannot account for in their plans.”
“This is good hijinks,” Babble laughed.
“This is good business,” Hildegard smirked. “I love it, Tyler.”
“I love it, too,” Babble smiled. “We can stop by the bakery and tell Flora the plan. I’m sure that she knows some of the coopers, we can give her the money, and she can have it delivered to the bakery.”
“That’s convenient,” I said.
“Convenient and necessary,” he shrugged. “We need to take precautions getting to the festival.”
“Go to the cooper now before it gets too busy,” Hildegard added. “Okay?”
“Well, I do need some fresh air,” I said. “How about you, Babble?”
“Eh,” he said and shrugged. “I can join you. I might find something interesting there.”
“Just don’t piss off any more dwarves,” Hildegard called after us.
I hadn’t appreciated just how chill the morning was until we stepped into the town, and I realized that I would have to invest in some heavier clothes soon. But for now, it was perfectly fine to walk around in my velvet suit as long as I kept moving.
“I certainly hope that Flora wasn’t late for work,” Babble snickered under his breath.
“I’m pretty sure that she was,” I answered as I rolled my eyes. “But she’s in her boss’ good books after getting that commission, so I don’t think she’ll be in that much trouble. Besides, she says she’s never been late before, so I’m sure the boss will let it slide.”
“She’s a hard-working woman,” Babble replied. “And I’m glad that we met her.”
“Ha!” I snorted. “Weren’t you the one who--?”
“Water under the bridge,” the gnome huffed. “Look, there’s the cooper.”
I was surprised to find that it was run by a human instead of dwarves or elves, since they were probably the biggest clients, but there was no mistaking the broad-shouldered, red-headed man for anything other than a human. I saw him slap an elf hard enough on the back to send the short creature staggering, but the elf shrugged it off, nodded to the man, and then waved to the driver of a nearby cart. The cart, laden with barrels, started to roll away slowly, and the elf trudged along in its wake.
“Hey there,” I said as I walked up to the man. “I am going to need one beer barrel for my brew.”
“A human brewer?” The man laughed as he looked me up and down. “And a tall one, too. I haven’t seen a new human brewer here for years. What’s your name?”
“My name’s Tyler,” I smiled. “Tyler King.”
“Well, Tyler,” he nodded, and he rolled a barrel toward me. “That’ll be three silver.”
“Three silver,” I said, and I counted out the coins from my pocket and handed them to him. “That’ll cover it.”
“Thanks,” he nodded and then looked at me again. “So, are you the fella I’ve been hearing about? The one who claims he can make the best beer in Hagop?”
“Yep, that’s me,” I said proudly. “It’s called King’s Brew, and you’ll get your first chance to taste it at the festival.”
“King’s Brew,” he mused. “Sounds interesting. Well, Tyler, I look forward to trying another human brew here in Hagop. The river knows that we need someone who knows what they’re doing and can give those dwarves a run for their money.”
“That’s the plan,” I replied.
He nodded and helped me flip the barrel on its side. He gave it a nudge to help get it rolling, and then he waved before he turned away to greet his next customer.
“I can help,” Babble declared as he put his hands on the barrel.
He wasn’t actually any help at all, but I shrugged and decided to at least give him the satisfaction of feeling like he was doing something. Besides, he’d helped at every other stage in the process, so I could let him believe that he’d moved a barrel, too.
As we rolled our way through the town, I heard some of the dwarves we passed snicker to themselves or make snide comments to their friends. I was sure that they must’ve heard about the scuffle last night, since news between the dwarves seemed to spread like wildfire.
Their voices were too low to catch everything they said, but there seemed to be shock that I’d stopped Cassian’s attack on my beer and a lot of speculation about what the dwarf would do next. I sighed, because clearly I was still in the dwarf’s grudge book.
Maybe Babble was right, and an all-out war was the only way to get Cassian off my back once and for all.
“Damn dwarves,” Babble muttered and then tried to peer over the top of the barrel. “Oh, there’s the bakery. Maybe--”
“I’ll take it from here,” I assured him, and I counted out some more pieces of silver and handed them to him. “Give this to Flora and tell her the plan.”
“Right,” Babble nodded. “Sure you’re good to take the barrel?”
“It’s a short journey,” I replied as the gnome nodded and ran off.
I rolled the barrel past the bar and into the backyard. Then I looked up into the sky and took a breather. Man, I was fit as a fiddle from my time in Hagop.
“It’s set in motion!” A tiny voice shouted, and I turned around to see Babble running at me.
“Amazing,” I said. “Now we just need to figure out how to get to the festival in case Cassian wants to… intercept us.”
“We can brainstorm now,” Babble nodded as I went to hide the barrel with the brew.
While I unlocked the door, Babble wiped his brow and stretched his muscles like he’d just run a marathon. I tried not to grin at the gnome’s antics as I rolled the barrel into the barn and stood it next to the hay bales. I figured I could get the other one from Hildegard after Babble was busy with something else.
“You know, you were right about only buying one barrel,” I said. “I’m sure word has already gotten back to Cassian. And did you see some of those looks we were getting? Those dwarves didn’t look very happy that I was still in the brewing game.”
“Hardly a surprise,” Babble said as he leaned against one of the hay bales. “I know those dwarves, and they’ll be more interested than ever in what you’re doing. Aside from Cassian’s vendetta, that barrel is real proof that you’re actually brewing something. It’s not just a joke anymore, and that will get them even more riled up.”
“That revenge was pretty damn sweet, though,” I said and smiled at the gnome. “So, what’s next, boss?”
“We don’t have any collections today,” Babble said as he headed for the inn. “About three weeks ago, a lot of my opponents started to behave themselves and pay up on time.”
“Isn’t that when you hired me?” I asked as I tried to do the mental math in my head. I couldn’t believe that I’d already been in Hagop for nearly a month.
“Indeed,” he agreed. “Ha! I knew hiring you was the answer to my problems.”
“Maybe so,” I said as we stepped into the bar.
“Oh, good, you’re here,” Hildegard said as she popped up from behind the bar. “I have something to tell you.”
“That I can call you Hilly?” I asked hopefully.
“Of course not,” she said and frowned. “And if I ever hear that name leave your lips again, I’ll have you arrested.”
“Don’t laugh,” Babble warned as he climbed onto a stool. “She will.”
“Then Hildegard it is,” I said quickly.
“Good,” she said. “So, there were a few dwarves who stopped outside to smoke their pipes earlier. Usually I don’t allow them to do that, but I thought I might hear something interesting after Cassian’s debacle last night.”
“And did you?” I asked.
“Oh, I did,” she said and chuckled. “Apparently, Cassian claims he’s developed a secret brew. No one’s tasted it, but he swears that even the dwarves will be in awe of this new beer.”
“Well, I’m not sure if I would believe that or not,” I said.
“But that’s not the important part,” she said.
“Oh, just spit it out already, woman,” Babble huffed. “I don’t have the patience for this after that strenuous exercise.”
Hildegard and I both looked at the gnome, who flexed his arm muscles just to prove he was strong enough to move the barrel. Hildegard rolled her eyes and then turned to me with a smile.
“He only made one batch of this secret brew,” she said.
“Okay, I guess that’s interesting,” I replied. “But why would I care about his beer? I already know mine is better.”
“He did try to corrupt your beer,” she pointed out. “So I thought it would be good to gather some information about his own operations.”
“Corrupted…” I mused as I thought about Cassian’s plots.
He had tried to ruin Flora’s bread with old milk, and then he’d tried to destroy my batch with river water. Cassian was obviously a one-note guy, and while I wouldn’t normally have resorted to such tactics, the idea of giving him a taste of his own medicine was very appealing.
“Babble,” I smiled at the gnome. “I think that it’s time to go pay Flora a visit and see how she’s getting along at work.”
“But I just got up here,” the gnome muttered as he rolled his eyes.
“I’ll buy you a beer later,” I replied as I lifted him from his stool and placed him back on the ground.
I winked at Hildegard before walking back into the open high street. It was a nice day to be around town, and the place already felt like there was a festival in full swing. I’d obviously never been to one in Hagop before, but I remembered the fall festivals in my home town when I was a kid. It was always the best time of the year, and I had no doubt that the same would be true in Hagop.
“There she is,” Babble said and pointed at Flora through the window. “Safe and sound, just like you said. Now, about that beer…”
But I ignored the gnome and opened the door. The little bell tinkled as Babble and I walked inside, and Flora looked up from whatever she’d been discussing with the new assistant.
“Hey there,” I said and smiled.
“Oh, Tyler,” Flora said and then blushed. “My wonderful assistant here delivered all the bread this morning, isn’t that just great? I knew that I could count on you.”
“Oh, stop,” her teenage assistant said as she blushed. “You’re my role model for this job, and I knew that you would do the same thing in an emergency.”
“Oh, an emergency, was it?” Babble snickered.
“Anyway,” Flora said as she rolled her eyes at the gnome. “What brings you two here? You’re looking very happy with yourselves.”
“I have officially registered for the festival,” I replied. “And I bought a barrel at the market this morning, so I’m finally feeling like a real brewer.”
“Congratulations!” Flora exclaimed and clapped her hands. “That’s wonderful… and Babble stopped in earlier to, uh…”
“Of course,” I nodded with a wink. “ Anyway, I had an idea. One that might get me out of Cassian’s grudge book. And I think you’ll like it.”
“And what is that?” Flora asked as she leaned across the counter.
I stared into her eyes for a moment, and then I had to give myself a mental kick so that I didn’t just stare at her the entire time. I still couldn’t believe that I’d spent the night with such a beautiful woman by my side. I was a lucky guy, and I sure as hell knew it.
“Hildegard said that Cassian is planning to bring a special brew to the festival,” I finally said. “One that he swears will wow the judges.”
“Oh, pffft,” Flora snorted. “As if that son of a trub maker could ever make a good beer.”
“Well, whether or not he’s hit on a good recipe, the fact remains that he’s tried to sabotage both of us,” I said. “And all because of that stupid grudge book of his.”
“It’s not stupid,” the gnome rumbled.
“Now Babble here claims the only way to get your name out of the book is to launch an all-out attack that will convince the fucker that there’s no way he will ever defeat me,” I said.
“It’s true,” Babble said and nodded. “Only way to ever get your name erased.”
“I certainly like the sound of this so far,” Flora said.
“So, I have an idea,” I said. “Do you have any buttermilk?”
Flora’s eyes widened in surprise, but she nodded.
“Well, of course I do,” she laughed. “We’re practically brimming with the stuff. When we have too much of it and can’t use it to bake, we give it to the pigs… terrifying creatures. Anyway, what are you thinking of using it for?”
“Do you really have to ask?” I chortled.
“So we’re going to ruin his beer,” she said happily. “When?”
“Tonight,” I said. “And just to prove I’m the bigger man in more ways than one, I won’t ruin everything he’s brewed. Just the special batch for the festival. He can still submit his usual crap, if he can bring himself to do it after all the bragging he’s done.”
“How deliciously evil,” Babble giggled. “It’ll really sting his ego since he wasn’t able to do the same to you!”
Suddenly the doorbell jingled and none other than Johannes stepped in through the door.
“Johannes,” Flora said. “What a pleasant surprise.”
“I’m just stopping in to say hello,” he said. “We’re going to be sailing to the festival soon, and wanted to check in on you.”
Suddenly I had an epiphany.
“Johannes,” I said. “I just had an idea. How would you feel about taking two barrels of beer to the festival?”
Flora and the fisherman gave me a puzzled look and shrugged.
“Umm,” he said. “I have space, but I must ask why?”
“We don’t want a run-in,” I said. “Babble, you’ve made me think like you. If we take only one barrel with some river water or something in it, then if anything happens…
“They’ll get the river water!” Babble laughed. “And not the beer! It’s genius.”
“Fine by me,” Johannes said. “Especially after that show last night. It was quite something!”
“Amazing,” I said.
“We can drop it off before setting out for the festival,” Flora said.
“Well, Flora, you can come sail with us surely,” Johannes said. “As a representative of the beer.”
“And Babble and I will take Tulip,” I said. “So that I’m not in the same place as the beer. They’ll assume I have it, but you will!”
“How exciting,” Johannes shrugged. “Well, this was certainly a fun run-in. Let me know how you fare.”
He stepped out of the bakery, and Flora smiled.
“He always stops in for a chat,” she said. “Such a nice man. But back to more scheming. Cassian’s beer will be ruined!”
“Good,” I smirked. “Now all we have to do is find his brewery.”
“I can help with that,” the gnome replied. “I had to collect some silver there about a year ago. He was tricky about it, but he handed it over when I mentioned the name of an old gnome friend whose grudge book he’d been in for years.”
“At this rate, I’m starting to think that I should start a grudge book,” I groaned. “With the amount of crap I’ve run into already.”
“You’re a human, you don’t need one of those,” Flora said.
“Don’t be so sure,” the gnome said. “Personally, I don’t know how you humans get along without one.”
“Well, if we’re going to do this tonight, then I need to finish up my work here in the shop,” Flora said.
“We can help with that,” I replied. “So your assistant can go home early.”
The assistant looked disappointed not to be included in our plans for the night, but she finished kneading some of the bread, then grabbed the last two loaves of day-old bread and headed for home.
That left the three of us to finish the prep work for the next day and then to clean up the shop. We made quick work of it, despite Babble’s grumbling, though he quickly recovered when Flora offered us some of her fish pies in return for our help. They were a departure from her usual baking, but they were absolutely delicious, and paired with some of the cider, made a perfect dinner.
“That was delicious,” the gnome declared. “It was almost worth all that work.”
“That’s a real compliment coming from you,” Flora replied.
“You’re quite welcome,” the gnome said and then looked out the window. “Good. It’s nearly dark. We’ll want to strike soon. The dwarves go out to play as soon as the sun sets… and Cassian won’t want to be alone tonight, not after his public walloping yesterday!”
“Then let’s get ready to go,” I said. “All we need is the buttermilk.”
“Here,” Flora said as she heaved a big, metal bucket onto the counter.
“Excellent,” I said as I picked it up easily with one hand.
“Oh, stop,” the blonde huffed. “You’re making me look weak.”
“You’re one of the strongest girls I know, Flora,” I replied. “I’ll bet you could beat Babble in a wrestling match.”
Flora laughed while the gnome huffed and stamped his feet. Babble punched me in the leg, which I barely felt, adjusted his hat, and then glared at both of us.
“I’m sorry, Babble,” I said in my most sincere voice.
“As am I,” Flora added. “I know you’re a very strong gnome.”
“I helped roll the barrel today,” he huffed.
“You did,” I agreed.
“There, you see?” Flora said. “A very strong gnome.”
“So how do we get to Cassian’s brewery?” I asked before Babble could offer more examples of his strength.
“It’s out past the gnome city hill,” Babble sniffed. “Toward the north. There are a few elf breweries there as well.”
“I’m surprised they’d have land near each other,” I said.
“It’s all smaller operations,” the gnome said. “They usually rent from the local lords rather than owning the property.”
“We should at least leave through the back door,” Flora suggested. “So that nobody sees us carrying around a bucket of buttermilk. After all, you’re quite easy to look at Tyler… I mean, you’re quite visible… dammit…”
I blushed at the baker girl, and Babble rolled his eyes at both of us.
“Right,” I said and cleared my throat. “Back door.”
We blew out the candles for the night, closed the curtains, and then headed into the back room. Flora did a last check on the dough and then opened the back door.
She looked both ways before she stepped into the narrow alley and then motioned us to follow. Somehow, Babble managed to slip into the lead, and he led us through a series of narrow streets that finally brought us to an old dirt road on the outskirts of town.
I looked up at the sky as we started to walk along the road. The night air was chilly, but I barely noticed. I felt like a kid again, about to launch the world’s best prank on some of my fellow summer campers, and really, that seemed like the only reasonable reaction. Everything I’d done since I’d come to Hagop reminded me of those carefree days, and this was no different.
We trudged along the road for a bit, and then Flora pointed to a crossroad just ahead. There was a signpost at the intersection, but it was too dark to read any of the signs. But both Flora and Babble headed north, and I followed quickly behind them with my precious pail of buttermilk.
A short time later, the first wooden structure appeared, and a moment later, I realized that there were at least a dozen of them scattered across the hills and fields. They didn’t look like houses, since there weren’t any chimneys and the windows were small and dirty, but they were too sturdy to be just another storage shed.
“This is where they brew?” I asked.
“It is,” Flora whispered. “Babble, which one belongs to Cassian?”
“That one,” the gnome replied and pointed.
He started to zip along the road and then across a field, like he was worried that we might be seen. Flora and I kept up easily enough, but I could hear the buttermilk sloshing around in the bucket.
“This is going to be good,” I whispered gleefully.
I couldn’t freaking wait until Cassian discovered that his very best batch that he had saved for the festival had been spoiled. If he even bothered to test it before going, that was. Since he’d been too lazy to get his damn hops before the farmer sold out, I wasn’t sure if he’d even bother.
But if he didn’t, that would only make it that much sweeter for me, because I’d get to see everyone’s reaction when they tasted his special beer.
Of course, I did have my doubts about the ethics of what I was doing. My parents had raised me to rise above petty feuds, and I couldn’t quite believe that I was sinking to the dwarf’s level. But I reminded myself that if I didn’t do something, the dwarf was likely to keep hounding me, and at some point, he’d probably succeed in ruining something. This was my chance to put an end to that, and I’d be a fool not to take it.
Cassian’s brewery wasn’t very big compared to the others, and the dumbass had left the one window open, despite the fact that he’d basically declared war on me. Flora and I were tall enough that we could peep inside, though Flora had to stand on her tippy toes, and the first thing I noticed as I looked over the sill was the smell of hops and grain, but none of the gorgeous spices that I’d used.
But it definitely looked like a brewery. There were several vats on the floor, vials neatly lined up on a table, and even a long row of barrels.
“Let me see!” Babble said, and I picked him up to look inside the shed.
“How are you going to get in?” Flora asked. “I don’t think you can fit through. You’ll get stuck for sure.”
I stepped back from the window and tried to gauge how wide it was. But the baker had a point, and I realized there was no easy way for me to fit through the dwarf-sized opening. The only way I’d get through was if I knocked out the whole frame, and even then, it would still be tight.
For me, at least.
“Well, that leaves two possibilities,” I replied as I looked at my companions.
“Oh,” the blonde said and glanced at the gnome.
“That was a long drop to the hay bale,” Babble noted. “I’m not sure I’d survive.”
“It wasn’t that far,” Flora said and rolled her eyes. “But you’d probably spill all the buttermilk anyway.”
“I’ll lift you through,” I said as Babble sputtered. “Then I’ll hand you the pail with the buttermilk. After you add it to the beer, I can help pull you back through the window.”
The blonde sighed as she looked at the window again, but she finally nodded.
“For the good of the beer,” she agreed.
I mean, maybe I had ulterior motives, because I certainly wasn’t complaining about getting to wrap my hands around her waist again. I felt a rush as our skin touched, and she looped her arms around the back of my neck for support.
“Oh, brother,” Babble muttered.
I lifted her off the ground and held her in place as she slipped her legs over the sill. For a moment, she dangled over the edge, and then she gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and let go of my neck. A moment later, there was a soft rustling sound.
“Are you okay?” I whispered as I leaned over the window sill.
“I’m fine,” she said as she stood up. “Hand over the milk.”
I passed her the pail, which she set carefully on the floor.
“How do we know which one is the special one?” I asked.
“He’ll have it marked in some way,” she said as she pulled a box of matches from her pocket.
“But if it’s in dwarven runes… Can you read it?” I asked.
“I don’t need to,” she said. “We know it’s only one vat, so I’ll just look for the one that has a different mark.”
“Sounds right,” Babble replied.
Flora lit one of the matches, and the small brewery lit up. Most of the vats were full, but I could see one brand-new copper vat that had a yellow ribbon tied around one of the siphons.
“There,” I said, and I pointed at the glimmering vat. “Check the marks on that one. I’ll bet that’s the special one.”
“I’ll compare the smells as well,” the baker girl said. “If he’s trying to add spices, it’ll be easy to tell.”
She ran over to the line of vats and quickly checked the marks that Cassian had painted along the side and then took a quick sniff of the brew. She saved the new vat for last, and after checking the marks and performing another sniff test, she gave me a thumbs up to indicate that we were right. She ran back to the hay, grabbed the bucket, and started to carry it back toward the new vat.
“I want to watch, too!” Babble wailed.
“Hang on,” I said as I picked him up.
We watched the gorgeous blonde lift the heavy pail to the edge and then tip it just enough that the buttermilk started to stream into the vat. I’d been pretty into her last night, but at that moment, I could have sworn that she was my personal angel.
The smell of the shed changed as the buttermilk mixed with the hops, and the pleasant scent of mash turned sour. The whole thing stunk like overripe cheese, and both Babble and I pinched our noses.
When the last drop had fallen into the vat, Flora ran back to the window and passed me the bucket, which I handed to Babble after I placed him back on the ground. I then lowered my arms through the window, and a moment later, I felt Flora grab hold. I lifted her toward the window and held her as she squeezed through one more time.
“I can’t believe we just did this,” I laughed.
“Well, I did it,” she said with a grin. “But we should be getting back now. You’re the first person Cassian will suspect, so you should probably put in an appearance at the inn.”
“Right,” I said. “An alibi.”
We raced across the field together, and then back along the dirt road. It was mostly downhill once we reached the crossroads again, so we were flying as we reached Hagop. We tossed the bucket near the barn and then walked around to the front of the building so we could stroll inside at a more leisurely pace.
“Bastard,” Flora laughed as we entered the place.
“You look like you’ve been up to trouble,” Hildegard said with a hint of a smile as she brushed a wisp of her dark hair out of her face. “And if you don’t tell me what kind of trouble, I’ll kick you out for good!”
“We might’ve done a bad thing,” I smiled as I leaned over to the bar mistress. “But I wouldn’t want to spoil the fun. You’ll just have to hear about it with everyone else.”
“I can’t imagine what you did,” she giggled.
I still couldn’t quite believe that we’d actually destroyed Cassian’s special brew. There was something dreamlike about the whole thing, and I almost wished we’d brought the bucket in with us just so I could have confirmation. But I’d have that soon enough when Cassian finally served his special brew.