Chapter 16
(Hazy IPA)
“There’s Flora!” I laughed, and the blonde raced up from the riverbank and waved.
“Success!” she shouted. “I was waiting for you!”
The boys loaded the barrels from the boat into my cart as I explained what happened to our barrel, and I smiled with pride.
I could feel my heart racing as the festival appeared in the distance. I could see some large circus-like tents with orange stripes and tall posts with long colorful ribbons floating in the breeze, and of course, lots and lots of people. The hum of the crowd made me smile, and I turned to Babble with a big grin on my face.
“It’s amazing,” I laughed. “This looks so fun!”
“It’s some of the most fun in the Hagop calendar,” Babble laughed. “Other than the summer wedding festival, at least.”
“The wedding festival?” I asked. “What’s that?”
“It’s when everyone gets married, of course!” Babble laughed. “All the taverns supply free room and board, and the eateries save a portion of their food for the city-wide day. And all the old couples celebrate their previous weddings, too. What else!”
“Wait, so all the weddings happen on the same day?” I asked. “Huh, that makes a lot of sense, actually.”
“Why? What do they do in the land of Port?” Flora asked.
“Everyone has their own weddings on different days,” I said. “Couples plan for months, sometimes years. It’s a whole big thing, with trying to reserve locations, arrange the catering, send out invitations…”
“Sounds complicated,” she said and shrugged. “It’s much easier to just have a wedding day for everyone.”
“I kinda like the idea,” I replied.
I liked a good wedding, but it sounded like an entire city-wide wedding festival was an even better idea. The happy couple was going to spend every day together, so why go into debt claiming a perfect date when you could invite the entire town to your party?
As we neared the festival, I was greeted by a skinny man with a curly beard and a jester’s hat. He was wearing a bell around his waist, and he smiled up at us as the cart rumbled along a well-worn path.
“Welcome!” he shouted. “You here for the beer?”
“Here for the beer,” Babble laughed. “Yes, that’s us. Where shall we go?”
“Take your cart over to that tent,” he said as he pointed to the largest white tent in the distance that had a burgundy flag at the top. “And then you can unload in the back. Want a blanket for later?”
“Please,” Flora said.
He nodded and ran into a shed that still smelled like freshly sawed wood. He returned a moment later with a large cotton blanket, which he handed to the baker.
“You’d be surprised how many of those we hand out every year,” he chuckled. “Though people usually have a fair amount of beer in their bellies before they fall in the water.
We all laughed, and then I set Tulip in motion again. We were circling around the edge of the fair on a stretch of flattened grass that was intended to be a road for the fair. It was mostly vendors along this stretch, and I was impressed by the number of people and carts that we passed along the way.
“Wow,” Flora said as we neared the beer tent. “Looks like there are a lot of contestants this year.”
There were about twenty donkeys standing around in a pen just outside the beer tent, and just as many carts with way more fancy inscriptions on them than mine. In fact, we didn’t even have an inscription on the cart. I recognized Pyotr House’s curly writing on one of the carts, where a bunch of dwarves were unloading one massive barrel of beer, bigger than any of the barrels I’d seen before.
A few of the dwarves shot me evil glares as we rolled by, but I ignored them as I brought the cart to a halt in one of the few remaining open spots. Another man in a jingly hat ran out and saluted me as we started to climb off the cart.
“Welcome to the festival,” he said, and he pulled out a long scroll. “You’re, uhh… the new human, right? King! Yes, King!”
A few dwarves turned around, and their eyes widened, but then they saw that it was just me, a regular human, instead of a King.
“That’s me,” I agreed and nodded.
I noticed a few dwarves had started to whisper to themselves, and I wondered whether they knew about Cassian’s plan. If they did, word would no doubt reach the brewers soon enough, so I flashed them a big smile as we rolled one of the barrels from the cart.
“What’s the second barrel for?” the jester asked as he peered over the edge of the cart.
“In case of any wild pigs,” I said, and Babble snickered to himself. “Is there any way you can keep it safe?”
“Of course,” he bowed. “We have a locked shed where we can keep the extras. Several brewers bring one, just in case.”
I rolled the second barrel out of the back of the cart and then watched as the man pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket to mark the barrel with a ‘KB’.
“All set,” he said as he started to roll the barrel away. “You’re all checked in so you can go on inside.”
“Well, let’s go,” I said, and I took a deep breath as we rolled our barrel into the swarming tent.
I was surprised to find that we had to step up onto a wooden stage, where dwarves with long scrolls were running around with quills. One of them caught my eye and beckoned me over.
“Mr. King,” he said. “You will be at the third table, over here.”
“Tyler!” a familiar voice called over.
I looked up to find Hildegard wearing an emerald-green dress and a big smile on her face.
“Hildegard!” I said as she ran up and gave me a hug. I realized that she’d never actually hugged me before, and I felt a tingle rush up my chest.
“You’re here,” she laughed. “I was worried that something would happen, like you’d be struck by lightning…”
“You’re not far off,” Babble grumbled, and then he pointed over to my left.
I looked down the row of tables to see Cassian talking with one of his advisors.
“I shouldn’t, should I?” I laughed, and Hildegard furrowed her brow.
“What happened?” she asked.
“I’ll fill her in,” Babble said. “And you go say hello to Cassian.”
I nodded to the women, waved to a couple of people I knew, and then casually walked over to the dwarf’s table.
“Hello,” I said in my most cheerful voice.
The dwarf turned around with an aggravated look, but he quickly paled when he saw me. For a long heartbeat, he didn’t even move, but all of the blood drained out of his face.
I took a few deep breaths and stuffed down the cackle that I wanted to unleash in his face.
“You’re-- here,” he finally choked out.
“Yeah, though we ran into a little trouble on the way,” I said with a smile. “But it wasn’t anything we couldn’t handle. You know, just a few hiccups. But now we’re here all safe and sound and on time, so I guess it’s time to get to work!”
“That’s… good,” he mumbled as he started to look around. “Um…”
Whatever else he might have said was cut off by a few quick notes from a pair of horns. The noise in the tent suddenly faded, and everyone turned toward the center of the tent.
“Brewers, please man your stations,” someone shouted. “The judging will now begin. Please, settle down, everyone!”
The crowd started to grab seats, while dwarves ran around the stage. I could see a few humans at the end of the row of tables, but none of them looked too excited. I’m sure that they were pretty used to losing at this point.
I made my way over to my station and lifted Babble onto the table so he could stand beside me. My heart was suddenly pounding from the tension, and I felt the first twinge of doubt as I watched one of the gofers uncork a barrel and start to siphon the beer.
As they poured the beer into glasses and allotted all of them numbers to allow for the blind judging, a few dwarves and humans took to the stage. Most of the dwarves crowded around Pyotr House’s table, and the smug brewer leaned back in his seat and began to proselytize about his brew.
“It’s really changed things,” he sighed. “You know, all of this progress we’ve made. And I really do believe that progress comes in small and steady batches. You know, we’ve built this company out of determination and of course… discipline.”
“And of course, a long familial history of brewing knowledge,” one of the judges smiled, and I could see the famed dwarf wince a little as he nodded.
“So he’s a nepo baby,” I murmured to Babble. “Makes sense.”
“I don’t know what that type of baby looks like,” Babble shrugged.
“Never mind,” I laughed, and I noticed that Hildegard was trying to swerve some of the judges in my direction.
A few looked over and rolled their eyes, but two dwarves shrugged and made their way to our table along with Hildegard.
“Hello,” I smiled. “I’m so pleased to be a part of this competition.”
“And it’s your first year, isn’t it?” Hildegard asked, and I nodded.
“Uh-huh,” I said as the dwarves scribbled in their notebooks. “I’m the new human in town.”
“And what inspired a human like you to want to brew?” One of the dwarves asked, and he fastened his tiny round spectacles on his face.
“I love beer,” I shrugged. “But none of it tasted as good as it did in my imagination. So, I wanted to bring that dream to life. And with the King’s Brew, I really think that I have.”
“And do you think that your brew is fit for a King?” the other dwarf shot in.
“I’ve never met a King,” I shrugged. “But I bet it is. Just as long as he has good taste, of course.”
The first dwarf snickered, and the second elbowed him in the ribs as he made a few more scribbles in his notebook.
“Thank you so much for your words,” Hildegard winked, and they made their way to another table.
More barrels were tapped, and soon, the tables were filled with glasses of golden, honey-colored glory. The scent of barley and hops filled the air, and the crowd grew restless as they watched the dwarven assistants start to pass the glasses to the judges.
The judges seemed to have a regular routine of sipping the brew, making nome notes, and then asking questions. Each judge had a handful of cards where they wrote down their impressions, though it looked like only one or two actually asked the questions. The rest of the judges nodded or shrugged and then moved onto the next brew.
“There aren’t too many entries,” Babble said. “Not the fewest I’ve ever seen, but not the biggest, either. A lot of people probably stayed away because they figured Pyotr House would win again.”
“Good thing I’m not like most people,” I replied.
I saw Hildegard take a sip of beer and then scowl. She scribbled something on her paper quickly and shook her head, and the dwarf next to her leaned over to whisper something in her ear. She nodded in agreement, and they both pushed the mug away.
I looked over at the judging table, where a few of them were laughing and shaking their heads, but Hildegard gave me a bored eye roll.
“This is it,” I said to myself as the beer glasses were passed to the judges. I saw a noticeably more amber-tinged beer and held my breath.
I knew that beer was mine.
“That’s mine,” I whispered to Babble. “It doesn’t look like any of the other ones. It has to be.”
“Well, we’ll see,” Babble said. “But you don’t know for sure, so don’t jump to any conclusions…”
I looked down at the tiny gnome and nodded. Even though it hadn’t been announced, I knew for a fact that the beer they were drinking was mine. It just looked so obviously different from the others with its hazy, creamy, golden glow. And even though he was trying to keep me calm, I had a feeling that he knew as well.
As the first dwarf took a sip, his facial expression changed entirely from a bored, humdrum look to wide-eyed wonder. He looked up at the competitors, then at the other judges, and finally started to scribble on his notecard.
“Oh, my goodness,” Babble murmured. “That guy certainly looks surprised.”
Hildegard took a sip from her glass, and a smile crossed her face. She nodded and made a note on her scorecard.
The next two judges were impressed, but the final judge took a few sips and looked like he was about to gag. He was obviously a dwarf, and he looked up at the competitors and shook his head.
“Guess it didn’t taste enough like piss,” I commented.
“Mmm,” Babble mused. “He looks like a sour dwarf. You might just be projecting.”
“Shut up,” I whispered.
They moved onto the next beer, but none of the reactions were quite as colorful as the one they’d had to the previous one. I knew that we had caused a shock in the local beer scene, but I still wasn’t sure if the shock was a good or a bad thing.
“This is excruciating,” I said as the next round was passed around.
Flora smiled at me from the audience, but most of the other visitors had started to drift away. Watching other people sip beer wasn’t nearly as exciting as drinking it, and no doubt they all expected Pyotr House to win again anyway.
Finally, the last beer was tasted and scored, and one of the dwarves took to the stage again.
“Now, we will tally up and average the scores,” he called out. “This will take about ten minutes. Please, for the love of Hagop, don’t discuss your brew with the other members of the competition. There will be plenty of time to share your brewing knowledge after the judging.”
I looked down at Babble, and Hildegard threw me another glance before she got to work with the rest of the judges. I felt a line of sweat form along my brow, and I wondered when it had become so hot inside the tent.
“I don’t know how to feel,” I sighed. “I know that my beer was good, but it was also not at all like the beer these folks are used to. You know… some of them looked impressed, but that one dwarf looked like he would’ve given it a negative score if he could.”
“Well, he can’t,” Babble said. “It’s against the rules for the judges to know which beer is who’s. And that’s all that matters!”
“Come on, I think all the judges know which one is mine,” I shot back. “Hildegard even smiled.”
“Hildegard is a friendly and very pretty woman,” Babble shrugged.
I watched in pained silence and listened to the kids shoving each other around outside and laughing. I could smell fresh fish being cooked over the fire as well as spiced cider, and suddenly, all I wanted to do was join in the fun.
But this was my dream, and I couldn’t walk away from it just because of some stiff competition.
“It’s okay,” I breathed to myself. “Ten minutes isn’t very long… not at all…”
But it felt like an eternity. I looked up at Flora, who gave me a hopeful smile and a wink. However it went, at least I’d managed to make the best friends possible in my time in Hagop.
“Right!” the dwarf announced as he returned to his spot in the center of the stage. “We have the results!”
There was scattered applause from the few people still left in the tent, though Flora stood up and clapped so hard that everyone turned to look at her.
“So,” the dwarf said when the blonde finally sat down. “We’ll start with the three runners-up, and then we’ll announce the winner of this year’s annual beer festival!”
Someone must have been standing outside to announce when the results were in, because the tent started to fill up with people again. The dwarf waited until most of the crowd was sitting down before he opened the first sheet of folded paper.
“In fourth place,” the head dwarf called out. “We have House of Cassius Brew, with an all around 7.”
I looked down at Babble, who lifted an eyebrow and nodded. Then, I looked down at Cassius, who was trying to smile even though his face was hot with shame.
“Better luck next time,” I called out softly.
“In third place, we have the Beer of Olivier with an all around 8!” the dwarf called out, and a blond dwarf stood up and bowed before the audience.
“Oh, well done,” Babble said mid-clap. “They haven’t placed in thirty years. He must be very proud.”
“In second place,” the head dwarf called, and my heart almost stopped. “We have, with a 9.5 average… Pyotr House!”
The audience didn’t even clap at first because they were so shocked.
Holy shit. Pyotr House had come in second for the first time in years.
Babble looked up at me and went pale. Even though neither of us wanted to say it, we had a pretty good idea of what was coming. Or not.
It was all or nothing, and I was there for it.
“And finally, the winner of the annual Hagop beer competition is, with an average of 9.75… King’s Brew by newcomer Tyler King!! Congratulations!”
“Yeesss!” Flora shrieked, and a few audience members looked over to her before breaking out in applause. “Yes, Tyler! Woooo!”
“Oh, my goodness,” I murmured.
“We did it!” Babble screamed as he jumped up and down on the table. “You did it, Tyler! You won!”
I had to lean down to shake the hands of two of the dwarven judges, and then Hildegard walked up and placed a wreath around my neck as she winked at me.
“Do you know how hard it was to contain myself when we added up the scores?” she asked. “Pretty much impossible. You deserve every shred of silver you get, Tyler.”
“Thanks, Hildegard,” I finally heard myself laugh. “This is… this is a lot!”
“Oh, call me Hilly,” she replied as she brushed her hand against mine.
I couldn’t believe that this was all real and not some crazy fever dream. I was officially a successful brewer, I had a hot girlfriend, and maybe a second hot girlfriend, and people were starting to barter for the chance to taste my beer.
“There’s only one barrel,” Babble said. “So the glasses get auctioned after the tasting. The money goes toward paying each of the city vendors for the festival.”
“You people really take care of each other here,” I laughed as Flora ran up to the stage.
“Tyler!” she laughed. “Tyler, you’ve done it! I knew that the King’s Brew would win. Your beer really is the best.”
“Well, isn’t this something?” a voice growled behind me.
I looked down to find Pyotr House looking up at me with his hands on his hips. But this time, he didn’t look nearly as friendly. In fact, he looked pissed that I even existed.
“Hey,” I smiled. “Yeah, I’ve worked really hard, and I’m really proud.”
“Pah,” he said, and he shook his head before turning to the other dwarves and walking away. Even if he was pissed, at least he had the dignity to not try and sabotage me like Cassian.
Or so I hoped.
“Mr. King,” one of the jesters said. “Your silver will be loaded into your cart, and your cart will be kept in the lock-shed so that there is no chance of robbery. To get some logistics in order, part of your prize is a room in the Haberdash Inn for the night so that you don’t have to travel immediately, and all festival activities are free for you and however many guests you offer these to.”
At first, I thought he was handing me a giant bouquet, but then I realized he had given me flower necklaces.
“Oh,” I laughed. “I think I can use these! Thanks!”
I wrapped one of the flower necklaces twice around Babble, and then I handed one to Flora and one to Hilly.
“I already get in everywhere for free,” she said. “But I have an idea. Johannes, get over here!”
The fisherman raised his strong, tanned arm and made his way over to the stage.
“Well done, boy!” he laughed as he gave me an extremely firm handshake. “I knew that you’d do something great! You’re too large not to.”
“No worries,” I winked. “Take a sip of the beer.”
Hildegard procured her judge’s cup before a dwarf could steal it and handed it to him. When he brought it to his lips, his face softened, and he shook his head.
“It’s unbelievable,” he murmured. “Like no beer I’ve ever had.”
“Perfect,” I nodded. “And I wouldn’t be here without your help, Johannes. Anyway, this is for you. Go apple-bobbing for me.”
As I placed the flowers around his neck, he smiled, and then he brought them to his nose and smelled them before laughing.
“Ah, the last harvest of the season,” he smiled. “My favorite smell. Now let’s go.”
I looked around and saw people haggling to try a sip of my beer. A man slammed a big pouch of silver on the table and took one of the tankards they’d just poured and sloshed a big sip down.
“It’s remarkable!” He laughed as he wiped foam from his blond beard. “It’s so… citrusy! Even better than a wine, I might say!”
“Impossible!” A woman laughed, and she grabbed it from him and took a gulp. Her eyes widened, and she smacked her lips together before he snatched it back.
“It’s mine, Hillary,” he said mid-guzzle.
“It’s incredible!” The woman shouted, and she gathered more peasants around the table. “It’s the greatest beer I’ve had in years! In… well, ever, perhaps! It’s ambrosia.”
“Let me in,” a man said, and he slammed a large pouch of silver on the table. “I want the King’s Brew!”
“Come on,” Flora laughed. “The auction will start, and this place will turn into a screaming match!”
Hildegard and Flora each grabbed one of my hands and pulled me off the stage, which left poor Babble to scurry after us as we ran out to the fall festivities.
I didn’t even know where to turn first. Between the apple bobbing, the bands, and all the delicious food, I was completely overwhelmed.
“What do I do?” I laughed. “There’s too much going on to decide!”
“Music!” Hildegard laughed, and we made our way over to the tent where a band was starting to play.
Well, the closest thing to a band I’d seen in Hagop. There were lute players, drummers, and people with tambourines who were hopping around.
“Oh, I love this one!” Flora laughed, even though most of the songs sounded the same to me.
But the sweet woodwinds wafted over the loud drum, and I felt the rhythm seep through me and make me want to dance. The girls twirled their skirts, and Johannes ran up to me with a tankard of beer. When I drank it, it was nowhere near as good as mine, but it was still fun for the party.
We ran around from tent to tent, and I even danced with a few drunken elves. It turned out that even the pointy-eared guys liked a little fun when they weren’t too busy halfway up their own asses judging everyone around them.
The four of us danced in circles, and Babble watched from the side with some gnomes.
“Come join!” I called out as Hilly swung past me.
“No way!” he shouted back. “Too many big feet!”
Ah, that made sense. There really were too many big feet around here for one tiny gnome to cope.
“Alright,” I shrugged, and we continued dancing.
By the time I even considered apple bobbing, the sun had already started to set. We stumbled around after a few too many beers and pointed at the now-pink sky.
“So beautiful,” Flora yawned. “My goodness, it’s been a long day. And I don’t say that lightly as a baker.”
“I know,” I rolled my eyes. “It really has. Hilly, do you know where the Haberdash Inn is?”
The innkeeper looked over at me with glazed eyes. She’d not only tried every beer in the festival, but also every wine and had some brandy on top of that, too.
So to put it lightly, she was a little sauced.
“Ugh,” she said. “It’s getting dark. And o-o-f-f course I do. They’re actually very good. It’s only a stone’s throw away.”
“Babble!” I called out. “Babble, where the hell did you go? We’re heading for the inn.”
“I’m here,” he said, and for the first time since I’d met him, I saw his arms around another gnome. “Don’t worry. We’re heading to one of the gnome inns for some insider trading!”
“Insider trading?” I furrowed a brow. “Isn’t that illegal?”
“Of course not,” he hiccuped. “It’s just trading, but for gnomes.”
“Fair enough,” I shrugged. “As long as you don’t get into any trouble.”
“Of course,” he said with a puzzled look. “It’s the safest type of trading there is…”
Flora and Hilly both wrapped their arms around my waist, and we barreled around as the people who’d been at the fair since the morning hours started to gather their families and head home. For a second, I thought that I even saw Cassian staring back at us and scowling, but it might’ve just been all the beer blurring my vision.
“I’m awfully tired, aren’t you Flora?” Hilly asked. “And you must be so very tired, Tyler… after all, a run-in with brutish ogres must be exhausting!
“She’s right,” I chuckled. “It was quite a sacrifice, but somehow we made it.”
“Well, then I think it’s only right for us to go back to the inn,” Flora said. “If I’m invited of course… it is your prize after all.”
“Of course you’re invited,” I laughed. “You’re both invited if you want…”
The girls exchanged a look and then looked back at me. I felt a tingle race up my spine, and I had a feeling the three of us were drunk enough for some fun.
And boy, what a prize that would be.
“Okay,” Flora said as she bit her lip. “Then Hilly, why don’t you lead the way? If I can call you Hilly, of course.”
“Of course you can,” Hilly winked. “And right this way… my king.”