Fifteen
“Color coded, I like it,” Tabitha admitted.
I spun both of my bodies around for her inspection. One of my selves, which I had code named ‘Red Ryan’ wore a black suit with gray vest and a red tie. The other, code named ‘Blue Ryan’ wore a gray suit with a black vest and a blue tie. Both suits were perfectly tailored to my form, and were made from that special blend of exotic (and undoubtedly heavily enchanted) threads that allowed it to be completely unrestrictive to the movements I would need to make during combat. Both came with a set of brown dress shoes, suspenders, over-the-shoulder gun holsters, and belts. They were also apparently bulletproof and magic-reflective. Modern problems beget modern solutions.
The tailor was an eccentric man clocking in at less than two feet tall and probably around 40 pounds soaking wet. He had a handlebar mustache that was wider than his head and he endlessly fussed over both suits and made small adjustments with a magic wand.
“There!” He’d proudly proclaim, only to instantly spot something wrong with the other suit and rush over to ‘fix’ it.
Upon Io’s arrival with all of my weapons, the man gasped loudly and fell to muttering the phrase ‘oh this won’t do’ over and over as he suddenly whisked both sets of weaponry away and began casting spells upon them all like a mad composer conducting the next hit musical.
What do you think he’s up to? I asked Tabitha.
Knowing him, he’s probably making your weapons match your outfit.
She was right. A short while later the tailor returned and proudly presented me (Red Ryan) with two white-handled pistols–that slid neatly into my over-the-shoulder holsters–and a golden fountain pen which he tucked into my interior suit pocket on my left side for ease of access. Likewise he presented a pair of black-handled pistols to my other self (Blue Ryan) along with a silver fountain pen which fit into the same place.
My grenades and spare ammunition all fit into a little pouch at the small of my back which was clearly enchanted to hold more than should have been able to.
When I (Red Ryan) pulled out the golden pen and squeezed, the pen morphed into a sword which retained the same general shape as the one I had procured from Olson’s armory yesterday but which now had a strip of red leather wrapped around the handle.
I (Blue Ryan) whistled appreciatively as I holstered both pistols.
All set down in the garage. Both teams are ready. You on your way, Hannah asked.
In unison, both of my selves smiled. Feeling her voice inside my head felt right. I cast my voice out to all of my girls and spoke clearly so they could all hear me. We are on our way over now. Prep the engines and let’s get ready to rumble, ladies!
-
Red team consisted of me (the version wearing the red tie, of course), an extra thicc copy of Euna in case she needed to split apart into slimmer copies or rearrange her mass for some reason, a very grumpy-looking Lana, and Blitz (whom I had relieved from his duty of watching over Selene now that my other copy could handle it personally).
We were all crammed into a pickup truck. Lana was up on the dash trying to give me directions like I didn’t already know where we were going. Euna was in the passenger seat, almost glowing after all the fun we had in the briefing room. Blitz was in the back, meticulously cleaning his rifle.
Logically, I knew that several of Io’s drones were watching us from overhead. I also knew that with a mere thought I could reach out and connect with any of my girls. But for some reason the silence in the truck felt deafening. Perhaps it was the sheer proximity to Lana and the bad vibes I could almost see wafting off of her that was putting me on edge. Whatever the case, I was done with the uncomfortable silence.
“So, Blitz. How’s that rifle treating you?”
Blitz looked up from the weapon, appearing stunned that I was speaking to him so casually. “Uh, it is… honestly, it’s a lot to handle. Boris was a particularly evil bastard if we’re being real here and even though we put him down his influence over this weapon yet lingers. Every time I pull the trigger I feel some shadow of his foul presence whispering to me, stoking the embers of my demonic nature, urging me to keep firing at anyone and anything that gets in my way. Be they monster, innocent, or even compatriot,” he confessed.
Euna and I exchanged slightly worried glances. This mission was already complicated enough. The last thing we needed was Boris 2.0 chilling out in our backseat.
Blitz shuffled slightly in the back. “Which is why I prefer to work alone nowadays. I have been working on meditation, yoga, and even herbs to relax me. In battle I enter into something of a warrior trance. I listen to my heartbeat and let it serve as the drumline to a symphony of measured violence I draw upon to achieve my mission. Every motion of body, blade, and bullet is precisely weighed and balanced to reach whatever my desired goal is. No more, no less. Anything less than pure balance and I risk succumbing to the sweet staccato succor of the rifle, or the ringing red raindrops released by the edge of my blade.”
For a moment we just kept driving in silence and I wondered if perhaps I had made a mistake asking the guy for details. But it was too late to back down now.
“No offense, Blitz, but like,” I glanced at him through the rearview mirror, “you good?”
Blitz nodded solemnly. “I am indeed good. If I were not, I would not be worthy to wield this katana. It is a blade crafted so that only those who are pure of heart may wield it. Should I ever attempt to draw the blade and find that it does not yield to my grasp, I shall immediately relinquish the rifle to Olson and allow it to be destroyed. Until such a time I shall continue my quest to redeem this weapon from its service in the name of its former cruel master.”
Wow, this guy really needs to chill out.
“How cheerful,” I remarked drily. “Well, if you ever have any sudden homicidal thoughts or actions, specifically those directed at me or my ladies, go ahead and give me a heads up so I can put you down myself. Sound good, buddy?”
Blitz inclined his head and continued to speak in a solemn tone. “Of course. Should I ever lose my ongoing battle with the darkness inside myself, you are the first person I would come to. I would trust no one else at the Bureau to be strong enough to stop me. Not even Aleksei,” he admitted.
“Oh, goodie. So let me get this right. If at any time you stop taking enough happy pills to curb your inner serial killer, you’ll immediately come looking for me first.”
“That is correct,” Blitz confirmed.
“I’m honored,” I lied.
“We’re here!” Lana interrupted, seemingly oblivious to ongoing conversation.
I guided our pickup into the parking lot and let it idle for a second as my eyes roamed across the green hills and idyllic ponds before us. Eastport central park was easily the most beautiful part of the whole city in my humble opinion. I’d been coming here since I was a kid and it never ceased to amaze. Admittedly, the herd of zombies shuffling around was a bit of a downer, but the scenery was still gorgeous.
How’re we looking, sugar? I asked Io.
Aside from all the walking corpses occupying the park, and the fact that I am feeling very left out at the moment, you are looking great.
Left out? Well, I’ll have to see about fixing that once this is all done and dusted.
You sure you won’t be tired by then?
I almost snorted out loud, but managed to stifle it as I set the truck in park. Tired of fucking? Never. You’ll have more of me than you can handle in no time, gorgeous. Besides, ever since this morning with Selene and Hannah? I’m way fucking hornier than I’ve been in a while.
Io gulped nervously. Oh boy.
Addressing the Red Team aloud, I said, “Lock and load. There’s a bunch of zombies between us and our destination. We’re gonna keep things quiet. Lana, lead us in. Euna and I will flank you. Blitz, watch our backs.”
Everyone accepted their roles with ease. Our heads were all swiveling back and forth as we moved away from the truck and entered the park proper, moving swiftly and silently. Euna, Blitz, and I were all trained to be stealthy when we needed to be, but Lana cast some sort of spell that muffled us as we went to boot, allowing us to take out anything undead along our path without alerting the rest of the herd.
But of course, nothing can ever just be simple, can it?
“Fog’s rolling in,” Euna warned.
Oh great. Because it wouldn’t be a zombie apocalypse without fucking fog.
“Let’s pick up the pace,” I ordered.
The three of us started a clean jog, naturally following our training to keep things quiet. When we realized that Lana’s spell was dampening any noise we might make, we broke into more of a run. Lana kept pace with us easily enough; her glittering little wings a vibrant blur as she flew at elbow-height out ahead of us. Blades out, we decapitated any zombies that we came across and didn’t stop until we were an arm’s throw away from the big. Even including the entire old growth forest out beyond Hilltop, this was the largest tree in all of Eastport.
Lana suddenly pulled up to eye level and halted.
“Okay, hold here a moment. Let me fly ahead and let her know we’re coming.”
“I thought she already knew we were on our way,” Euna protested.
Lana drifted to the left slightly and made a tiny grimace. “Just because I spoke to her about it doesn’t necessarily mean she will remember. She’s a little… trippy. Just let me smooth things over and it’ll all be okay.” Before anyone could question her further, the little fairy sped off like a bullet.
Euna and I exchanged a worried glance.
Are dryad’s typically forgetful? I checked.
Euna shook her head emphatically. No. They have long memories just like elves, only they hold grudges and are far more likely to act on them.
Right. Just checking. I’m not the only one thinking that this deal is a little fishy, right?
Euna shrugged and examined our surroundings. Honestly, I think that has more to do with Lana than anything else. She’s clearly upset.
I’ve noticed, I admitted, watching the little fairy fly up to the big tree and start speaking excitedly. Not really sure what her deal is though.
A figure suddenly melted out of the tree trunk. A green-skinned woman, almost completely nude, with long braided blonde hair that fell over her body like a curtain. She was covered in tattoos and piercings and wore a mismatched set of leaves (one red and one yellow) against her breasts like they were pasties.
She wore a flower crown and had golden eye shadow to go along with a single golden stripe dividing her lips and chin. With all the body jewelry, aside from the green skin and the whole stepping-out-of-a-tree thing, she looked like she would have fit right in at an outdoor rave.
Even from this distance, my eyes trailed up and down her decorated body hungrily.
She was nothing like any of my current girls. But I liked variety.
Are you sure you don’t know what Lana’s ‘deal’ is, Ryan? Euna asked pointedly.
I blinked, my eyes darting over to Euna in surprise. Oh. You think she’s jealous?
Euna scoffed out loud. Yes, Ryan. She is clearly jealous. Lana has been trying to prove herself to you ever since she joined the team. I think that’s part of the reason she’s so anxious to make this whole thing with the dryad work. She wants to impress you, and make you look at her differently. I think she wants to be your fifth girl.
Sixth, I corrected, including Hannah I already had five. Then I frowned. But how would that work? She’s only like four inches tall! My dick would crush her.
Euna looked away and failed to stifle a laugh, leaving me confused.
Before I could get an explanation, Lana suddenly zoomed up to us.
“Alright, Ryan. Autumn is ready to meet with us.”
-
Up close, Autumn was even more intoxicating than she had been from afar. Everything from the dreamy way she moved her frame to the way she held herself like her body was just another ornament she had in her collection, just a pretty thing she liked to flaunt, had me smitten before she ever spoke a word.
Of course, when she spoke it was over.
Her voice came out like a soothing whisper of wind rustling over a hundred fallen leaves in a quiet glade. It had a smoky, wistful quality to it and broke every third or fourth word, like a crackling bonfire or the sound of distant thunder rumbling across the horizon.
The instant she had spotted me walking her way, her amber-hued eyes had flashed excitedly and she held her arms to her body, gazing up and down like she was considering me. Calculating. Whatever sum she reached in her mind seemed to please her immensely, for a smile broke across her face like a red dawn blooming over a dry field.
“Oh hello, stranger,” she sighed in my face. Her breath smelled like the first rain after a long hot summer. “Many mortals have passed beneath my branches, with gleaming auras of every color. Yet you outshine them all, dear champion. You are as beautiful to me as golden sunlight to a starving wildflower. I feel things in your presence that I have never felt before. An emptiness, a craving, some deep desire I am unfamiliar with. You intrigue me, mortal. What is your name and how can we serve each other?”
It did not escape my notice that Lana rolled her eyes.
Yesterday, words would have failed me completely. But I was a new man now; absent any of the insecurities that had plagued me before and kept me from living up to my potential. I gave this drool-worthy dryad an up-down appraisal and nodded approvingly.
Reaching into my proverbial back pocket, I dusted off some of my old acting chops (the same chops that once allowed me to charm a sun-lion into becoming the Bureau’s personal mascot and anti-vampire hound) and raised my voice in reply.
“Hello, yourself, oh radiant vision. I fear I’ve died and risen to paradise for surely no angel could compare to your striking glory. My name is Ryan Stryker. I am a Keeper, tasked with safeguarding this world from all manner of magical, monstrous, and supernatural threats. You can serve me by helping me deal with the latest of these dangers. An undead plague the likes of which we have never seen before in this world. Some foul mixture of necromancy and botany has produced what we are calling ‘dark spores.’ These nasty little things are infecting the local mortal population, killing them, and utilizing their corpses as carrier vessels to spread their spores even further. If you could help us craft and distribute a cure, I am authorized to bring the full power of the Bureau to bear in repaying your kindness. Tell me, what could an arboreal queen such as yourself want for, and how might I provide it?”
Lana’s wingbeats slowed considerably the more I spoke.
Autumn smirked. “You… I like. I will help you if it is within my power, but first I require a sample of these ‘dark spores’. We can discuss my price after.”
I glanced over my shoulder at Blitz, motioning that he was up.
Blitz reached into a pocket of his knee-length coat and pulled out a small vial filled with black liquid. He stepped forward and pulled the cork out, offering it to Autumn.
The sultry dryad padded forward and reached up to her flower crown, plucking a white flower free of the circlet with a slight tug and lowering the long, needle-thin stem into the open vial. Instantly, the flower shriveled and Autumn recoiled.
“Oh my.”
After another second, the flower suddenly reanimated. Its petals curled maliciously and formed into a pseudo mouth filled with white fangs. Its stem split apart to form a comically thin body and it leapt directly at Blitz’s hand.
In spite of the Keeper’s attempt to shake the feral flower free, its fangs sank into his wrist and brought forth a groan of pain from the man. Yanking his katana loose of its sheath, he slashed the zombified flower apart. But it was too late. The damage was already done.
Blitz was infected.