17
I dropped the succubus horns absently in the corner beyond the door and went to wash my hands as I thought about what to do next.
Palashai had forced me to make a choice between Mauren's personal use to me and that of the two packwren trainers. I had chosen the trainers, and while I didn't regret the choice I did resent that I'd been pressed into making it.
Thinking about the chain of events that led to Mauren's death as I scrubbed her blood from my skin, I began to suspect I'd been maneuvered into the act. The more I thought about it, the more convinced I became. While I like to think of myself as a man fully in control, I know that I am subject to many unavoidable limitations, the most prevalent of which is my own ignorance. Following a close second is the unavoidable instability of being a flesh-and-blood man.
Had I overheard the argument even ten minutes later than I had, I'd have probably spared Mauren's life. By then I would have calmed down and thought through my options.
Instead, I had been fresh off the immense emotional pressures of bondage and sexual frustration. I heard the threat, heard Mauren's intimation that she was negotiating for a position within Liminal Science, and acted based on what I knew to be Mauren's genuine desire. I'd long since concluded that while an individual succubus might interact with me in any given moment as though I were a full-fledged individual on equal footing, in the end they considered me to be fundamentally inferior. Just as religious men I had known would lie to infidels and feel no qualms about the deceit, succubi felt comfortable promising whatever was necessary to get an immediate result out of 'livestock' without feeling any obligation to make good from their end when the time came.
As a man outside their social structure, any means to gain compliance from me was valid.
Still, Mauren had been an asset, one I'd trashed without going through the proper steps. I hadn't planned to kill her until much, much later, and then only if necessary.
What was worse, I had played into the hands of Director Lane. Satisfying as it had been to kill the one responsible for bringing me into this fucked-up world, it brought me no closer to proper vengeance against the true architect of my misery.
The killing was a mistake.
All that was left was to make the best of it. Palashai and Yimshe couldn't have any doubts left that I would destroy them just as easily as I had Mauren. After all, they were livestock, same as me. By the same token, I had protected them by my action and would lean on them in the future. To succeed, I had both to trust and be trusted by them. So while they might believe I would kill them just as easily as I had Mauren, I knew with absolute certainty that I had to protect them both to the best of my ability.
Fear might be better than love in most cases and I had done everything I could to put the fear in them ... but going forward I would have to foster their goodwill.
Palashai had outplayed me. It was a simple fact, and I had to respect it.
I was leaning against the wall at the head of the bed, thinking about what to do next when there was a knock at my door.
"What?" I asked in a flat tone of voice, and the door opened to reveal Yimshe.
She looked around the room, hesitating when she saw the two horns haphazardly tossed in a corner next to her, then said, "The body's being taken away. They want the horns."
I shrugged, and waved a hand at them. They'd served their purpose and wouldn't be any good to me anyway.
A second later, a man in the blue and gold of Liminal Science stepped past my trainer. It was a guard, but he wasn't wearing a fully armored suit like the one I'd had escorting me at Division Four. Rather, it was another four-armed simian. A big fellow, somewhere around nine feet tall and thick, obviously showing off his massive size to best effect.
Instead of picking up the horns and leaving, he too moved to one side and Director Chosen stepped in.
Aww shit, I thought, and slid off the bed to get to my feet out of respect.
I wasn't even upright before the guard was in my face and shoving me back down onto the bed with one of his arms as two more drew what looked like pistols from his belt.
I showed my hands and went still, waiting for someone to speak.
Director Chosen stayed by the door. She too glanced down at the horns, and her glance was a bit longer than Yimshe's. I saw traces of what I took to be uncertainty in her. Her wings fluttered and her tail wrapped all the way around one thigh, then unwound as she made an obvious effort to master herself and turn to me.
"Ordinarily, it is instant death for livestock to attack — much less kill — a succubus," she said, then waited, looking at me keenly.
I said nothing. Whatever she had in mind, nothing I could say would change it, so there was no point in giving anything away. The fact that she was talking to me at all meant instant death wouldn't be my fate. I had already revealed my reasons when I told Palashai I'd saved her life. It was time to see how perceptive Director Chosen — or the team of analysts she had looking at me — were.
"Mauren was ... a special case, as you are no doubt aware," she said when it became clear I had nothing to say. "Nevertheless, I want it understood that if you ever attack another succubus your life is forfeit. Liminal Science will not be held responsible, and will surrender you for culling. It's been suggested to me that I apply additional controls to your person until the season opener, but I've declined. Instead, I will say only this: should you take or threaten the lives of either of your trainers, your sponsorship by my organization will be in name only. No support will be given to you during the season, and no further training or operational advice will be provided. Your humiliation, failure, and eventual death in the games will be assured."
Again, she paused and again, I waited. Most of my attention was still on the guard, who had those two guns pointed at me. One at my heart, the other at my head.
"Answer," she demanded, wings rising higher behind her in what I took to be annoyance.
"I understand."
"That's all you have to say?"
"What else matters?" I asked.
Director Chosen glanced at the guard, then at me as she said, "I would have assurance that you don't intend to cost me the lives of two very valuable trainers."
"I killed Mauren to protect them," I said. "Killing them now would be stupid."
"What makes you think-"
"She threatened them," I interrupted.
"An idle comment made in the heat of irritation."
"I have no reason to believe that's true," I said, shifting my eyes from the guard to her. "I've known Mauren longer than you have, Director. Her defining trait, so far as I was able to determine, was treachery."
"On what basis?" she asked, brows drawing together in some confusion.
"She was thrown in with me in the first place, something that would never have happened had she not crossed Director Lane. The clear expectation at the time was that I would kill her. I didn't because I thought she would be of use to me, and she was. However, when she casually threatened my trainers she became a liability. Since I never liked her anyway, I decided to kill her before her maneuvering put her out of my reach. As is, I'm certain the only reason she was sent along with me was because Lane thought she could use Mauren to spy."
"Mauren was negotiating with us to implicate Director Lane in conspiracy charges. Now, there's no way to move forward."
"I doubt that's true, seeing as how everything everyone sees or hears is subject to review under the right conditions."
"That's only for livestock."
I spread my hands and said, "Oh well. I don't give two shits about legal processes that don't protect me. Either way, Mauren can't act against me or mine anymore. That's far more important than anything she might do against Lane or her associates."
"To you!"
"If you want my actions to reflect your will you need to ensure that we both want the same things. If you want my loyalty, you'll have to earn it. Right now, I don't owe anyone anything."
"I took a serious risk sponsoring you."
"Risk you transferred to my trainers, who are now under threat of death if they fail. Don't lie to me, Director. You sponsored me purely to profit your company. That has nothing to do with me personally. There is only one creature in this world who has my best interests in mind, and that's me. As long as that's the case, I'll act purely in those interests."
"And what is it that you want?" she asked.
I hesitated to answer because honestly, I didn't know what to say. I couldn't admit that I wanted to slaughter a whole lot more succubi. I couldn't admit I wanted to destroy absolutely everything this civilization had built, or to at least leave such a horrible impression of humanity that they made human gene seeds illegal. Nothing I truly wanted was in reach, so everything I might strive for were consolation prizes while I waited for an opportunity that might never come.
At last I said, "So far I haven't been offered anything worth wanting, but there are two things I need: a promise, and some way to trust that promise will be honored. My understanding is that succubi are never under any kind of obligation to keep any word they make to livestock ... so I'm not sure where we go from here. Right now, I'm operating off the word of trainers who work for you. They assure me you're a good boss, but that only gets us so far."
Chosen's lips twisted slightly as she glanced back at Yimshe, then at him again as she apparently decided to change the subject. "Why did you threaten Yimshe when you knew Palashai was the instigator of this training scenario?"
"Yimshe is the lead trainer. She has to sign off on any exercise, so she's ultimately responsible."
"Why did you tear the horns off Mauren's body?"
"The first was an experiment, the second was because I like symmetry."
"An experiment?"
"'How hard is it to tear off a succubus' horns, and how much damage does it do?' 'Not that difficult,' and 'a lot,' are the answers in order, by the way."
"Are you trying to scare me?"
"No, Director Chosen. You're my sponsor. You have nothing to fear from me as long as our interests coincide."
She paused, apparently considering that, then said, "After having manipulated your way into my employ, you certainly aren't doing much to earn my trust."
"I'm not trying to earn your trust."
"You should. I control every aspect of your life and this comfort you've been afforded is entirely optional."
I stopped myself before answering as I'd have preferred, and said, "Do whatever you think will best advance your ambitions, Director. That's all I expect of you, and I'm entirely at your mercy."
"Then why don't you act like it?" Chosen asked as she thrust an accusing finger in my direction. Her wings flared languidly behind her, but I didn't know enough to confidently read any specific meaning into the move.
It didn't seem like a threat, so I let it go and asked, "What do I have, Director?"
"What?" she asked, one eyebrow quirking in obvious confusion.
"What is mine?" I asked. "In your own words, you control every aspect of my life ... so, what do I have?"
Her eyes widened, then narrowed. She said, "You believe since you have nothing to lose, you have no reason to fear?"
"Let's say that fear isn't a good motivator for that reason."
"And yet you clearly use it against others, your own trainers included."
"They have something to lose, even if only in their own minds. You and I both know better, don't we, Director?"
She didn't immediately answer me, but rather seemed lost in thought for a long few seconds. At last, she said, "I will have my analysts turn this conversation over, but for now I have enough to work with. You are wrong about one thing, Taz. You, and you alone, may determine when and how you die. Fail to take your training seriously, and you may lose even that."
I blinked, then waved toward Yimshe as I said, "Why are you telling me? These two are the ones playing around without telling me anything."
"I'll not blame them. Your ignorance in sexual matters is astonishing when set against the guile you've otherwise demonstrated. I would have thought you more accomplished in whatever life you had before this."
That stung, but I had no retort, so I just spread my hands and shrugged. What was I going to tell her? The truth? It wouldn't serve.
"What were you, anyway?" she asked, hesitating at the threshold.
She hadn't turned around to look at me. I briefly considered, then said nothing.
After a pause, she said, "Have it your way. It is my hope that, in time, you come to understand that some of us don't make a habit of abusing our livestock."
"You mean, your assets?" I asked, the words out before I thought to stop them.
Now she did turn, looking at me with an expression I couldn't read. Then she turned away. As she walked out, she said, "Yes, of course. A poor choice of words on my part."
The guard had his pistols holstered and picked up the horns, one in each of his lower hands, before he too left and the door slid closed, leaving me alone with Yimshe.
She gazed steadily at me and I couldn't escape the impression I was being stared down by a punk rock Dalmatian, though the cropped ears marred that impression. It was bizarre, but not unpleasant. I always had a soft spot for dogs.
Not that I could tell her that.
That she was also a well-put-together seven foot tall female was just confusing ... and I'd be lying if I said seeing her didn't remind me of how completely at her mercy I'd been less than half an hour ago. I couldn't decide how to feel about it either. Annoyance, anger, and horny were duking it out in the back of my mind.
"Thank you," she said.
All three feelings got dumpstered by those two simple words. Gratitude was so rare, and when present it spoke first and last in my thoughts. Now it told me that I'd made the right choice throwing my lot in with this strange dog-woman, and her mother.
Yimshe was grateful. Honor required that I be gracious.
"You're welcome."
She hesitated, then asked, "Can I train you?"
I thought about that, then nodded and said, "Don't be clever. I don't respond well to manipulation."
"So I've seen."
When she didn't say anything else, I asked, "What now?"
She leaned away from the wall and turned for the door as she said, "I'll put together a class. You're a physical paragon and cunning enough, but you have the emotional intelligence of a diseased rockhound. You'll have to fake that part, and I need to figure out how to enable you to do that. For now, get some rest."
"I'm not going to wake up later with one of you on top of me again?"
She opened the door and didn't turn to look as she said, "Trust me, Taz. That will never happen again."