Lay of the Land
I picked up Glacia the next day under the familiar disapproving glare of the doorman and took a drive by the Museum of Natural History to plan out the heist a bit.
“Never go in blind,” I told her as we drove downtown and through the crowded traffic. “Even if you’ve been there before, you always need to examine the location before you plan anything. Maintenance might have closed off parts of the building. Renovations might have changed up the layout. Anything that might alter your plans you need to know about. Rushing in half cocked will only get you injured at best, or killed at worst.”
“I see,” Glacia said, nodding as she scribbled in her notebook.
“And it’s always a good idea to plan not only your entrance, but also your exit,” I added as we drew closer to the museum. “Ideally you go out the way you came in, but that’s not always an option. So you need to keep in mind alternatives. Every villain needs an escape plan. Ideally two. Remember, our job isn’t to win. It’s to live to fight another day.”
“Of course, sir,” Glacia said, nodding firmly. “I will not let you down.”
Well, I rather hoped not. Letting me down on that point would have her die, which would be a real shame. But I knew better than anyone how often freelance villains got killed. It wasn’t a job for the careless. Glancing at Glacia, I wondered if being a managed arch was really the right career for her. But I couldn’t say anything. It was her choice, and I did believe she’d make a good one. So, anything I could do to help her along, I’d do.
We arrived shortly after, the museum one of those massive buildings modeled after grey Greek architecture. That there was something going on was obvious. Banners were being unfurled outside between the pillars advertising the diamond’s display. Areas in front of the building was being shut down and spotlights were being rolled out. I slowed down, cruising by slowly. Yeah. Looking good. I’d been on a couple jobs at the museum before. Razer gave a lot of money to ‘cultural preservation’ institutions like them, meaning the museum was generally in on these kinds of jobs and an active participant, so long as the damage was paid for by whichever super agency they were partnering with.
Parking before the building, I got out with Glacia and went up the stairs. We were met by several security guards, but I spotted Julia hanging around near the door and shot her a wave. Instantly the secretary hurried over.
“There you are! They’re with me, gentlemen,” Julia said, smiling at the two guards, who instantly let us pass. “Right this way,” she said, leading us towards the main doors. “Miss Carter is getting everything sorted for the big event! I’m sure you’ll be pleased.”
“We’ll see,” I said guardedly.
The reception hall of the museum was a large space, centered around a circular desk with a massive metal globe with an inserted clock acting as a centerpiece. A fake T-Rex skeleton wasn’t far, while neogothic arches gave the interior a vaguely church-like feeling. Workmen were bustling around, but I could already see that they were setting up the main event in the central foyer. The platform where the diamond would be showcased had already been erected, with a large display case atop a podium, a pillow set out along with a glass dome to cover the diamond.
Carter was there, and actually dressed in a suit this time, with a sinfully high skirt and a jacket that left very little to the imagination. And with a figure like Carter’s, there was a lot of imagining going on. I actually saw a couple workmen stare so hard they ran into a pillar.
She was standing near the podium, pouring over some documents and giving instructions to the curator of the museum, Waldorf Stevenson. A stuffy older man, his balding head with nothing but some tufts of white hair, his eyes rheumy behind his glasses. He’d hung on despite the last few years of major turnover with most artistic institutions tossing out their older caretakers in favour of young preppies, but he was still around for a very good reason: he was an old hand in the game. I knew I could rely on him to move all the actually valuable exhibits out of the way, leaving just some plaster replicas like the T-Rex to get damaged in a suitably dramatic fashion.
When Carter saw me approaching, she brightened, slapping shut the folder she’d been perusing and handing it off to a bunch of suited hangers on who immediately scuttled away.
“Victor! So glad you could make it,” Carter said, then to her secretary. “Thank you, Julia. I can take it from here.”
“Ma’am,” Julia said, already drifting away to attend to some other preparations.
“Now,” Carter said, her mirrored lenses gleaming like silver discs in the glare of the lights. “What do you think?”
“It’s looking pretty good,” I said, nodding thoughtfully as I scanned the cavernous interior. “Make sure the stairs are clear,” I said. “Herd the guests that way when things get started. They can hide out in the wings while also having a good view of the action.”
“I’ll be sure to take that in mind,” Waldorf said, his voice dry as crackling paper. He pushed his glasses up his nose, mustache twitching like a broom. “And… where shall the young lady be making her entrance?”
I scanned the ceiling before hitting on a particular skylight. “Glacia?” I said, nodding at the height. “Do you think you can come through there?”
Glacia tilted her head back thoughtfully. “Yes, I can do that, sir.”
“Good,” I said, taking a quick look until I spotted the emergency exit. “The henchmen will bust in through there when it’s time and clear everyone from the floor. The skylight is over the reception desk, so the falling glass shouldn’t hit anyone. I’ve come in through there before, so I know.”
“We’ll be taking tickets at the door anyway,” Carter said. “It will be clear.”
“Excellent,” I said. “And outside security?”
“Quite fortified, I assure you,” Carter said. “And appropriately deaf for when events begin inside.”
“Good. You should probably freeze the main doors closed anyway though,” I told Glacia. “Just to give us some plausible deniability as to why security doesn’t bust their way in. It couldn’t hurt, and there’s plenty of exits inside the building if anything goes wrong.”
“Freeze… door…” Glacia murmured, hastily writing it down in her notebook. “Yes sir. I understand.”
“Good. And what about your heroine?” I asked Carter.
“She’ll be streaming the event live,” Carter said. “She’ll be moving around the room, so there’s little reason to worry about her. When things start up, and it will seem that no one is going to help, she’ll make her reveal.”
“What’s she have?” I asked.
“Sonic powers. Ample enough to shatter the ice and knock out the henchmen,” Carter said.
“That works,” I said. “Has she been practicing as well?”
“Don’t worry,” Carter said. “She’ll be ready.”
Were anyone but Carter telling me that, I wouldn’t believe them. But Carter was one of those women who got things done. An appreciable quality in your ruthless corporatist. Ayn Rand would have loved her.
“Alright,” I said, scanning the interior again. “Sounds like a pretty solid plan. And ah, my pay?” I asked.
“Will be delivered on completion of the job,” Carter said. “As agreed.”
“Good,” I said.
“And your ticket,” Carter said, gesturing to Waldorf, who dug a glossy ticket out of his pocket and passed it to me.
“Mine?” I said, examining it curiously.
“Of course!’ Carter laughed throatily. “We can hardly have Glacia’s mentor absent during her first big heist. Besides,” she added with a sly smile. “It could never hurt to have someone around in case of… unexpected eventualities.”
I supposed she had a point. “Thanks,” I said, tucking the ticket into my pocket. “Be the first time I enter a party here through the front doors.”
“Hopefully the first of many,” Waldorf said, stirring with animation like a windup toy that someone finally turned the key to. “Our exhibits feature some of the most interesting history from across the world. In fact, our most recent exhibit on Kievan Rus-“
“How fascinating, Waldorf,” Carter interposed smoothly. “But these two had best get a look around the ground first, in case they need any additional planning.”
Grateful for the dismissal, I waved farewell and hustled Glacia away. I had little time to hang around and hear about the museum’s latest exhibits. Glacia and I still a number of things to do. We had two days still until the event took place and she made her ‘attempt’ to steal the diamond, and I was going to make sure we left as little to chance as possible. I took her to the side door marked EMERGENCY EXIT and rapped my knuckles against it.
“See this? This is where the Steve’s are going to come out,” I said. “We’ve come through here a dozen times before. He knows the way through. They’ll be armed, but it’s mostly just stock weapons. Hockey sticks. Blunt bullshit objects that people will be nervous about but that can do some damage if properly swung. Don’t need any heroes. You know, aside from Mysteria. Now, what’s the first thing you notice about this place?” I asked.
Glacia looked about the domed room thoughtfully. “It’s big,” she said.
“Exactly,” I said, proud. “It’s big. And you’re going to be the absolute center of attention. That means blistering blizzards, freezing air, some jagged spears of ice sprouting out the floor. And, most importantly, the evil rant.”
“Evil rant?” Glacia said.
“Yeah. That’s vital. You need an evil rant. You need to tell them who you are, what you’re doing, and threaten to mess anyone up that interferes. The last bit is important. Liberally sprinkle in some literary allusions in there as well. People love that stuff. Quote some Hemingway or Machiavelli. And make sure it’s cocky! People need to see you’re in charge.”
“I see,” Glacia said, scribbling down some more notes, only to pause. “But, sir? Would it not make more sense to forego the ranting? Why advertise what I seek?”
“Well, naturally, if we were being smart about this, you wouldn’t bother,” I said. “If we were just here to steal a pretty rock, you’d sneak in with the crowd, freeze everyone solid, and snatch the diamond before fucking off. Or better yet, grabbing it while it’s on its way here. But we’re not here to be smart about this.”
“We’re not?” Glacia said.
I shook my head. “Nope! Remember, we’re not here to actually take the diamond. We’re here to give people a show. A thrill! And the evil rant is all about that. It’s the ultimate power move. It’s saying ‘I’m better than all of you, and you will listen to me!’ If you can pull it off, people will be so in awe they’ll let you get away with murder. Which, incidentally, is what you’re not here for.”
“Getting away with it?” Glacia said.
“Yes. I mean, no. I mean, yes, you’re not here to get away with the diamond, but also, you’re not here to murder anyone. The only way we can do what we do is if everyone goes home happy. You think these rich idiots would come to a scene like this if they thought there was even a chance of getting their dresses rumpled, let alone bleeding? Hell no. They come to these things hoping the robbery will happen. They love to watch supers beat the hell out of each other. Entertainment of the highest order.”
“So we are entertainers?”
“In essence,” I say, shrugging. “But on our terms.”
“I see…” Glacia said.
I wondered if she did. Most new villains had trouble adjusting to that fact. It’s why there were so few freelancers. Getting beat up by heroes wasn’t exactly a career you took a lot of pride in. Especially when most of the observers were rich people looking for a bit of fun. But I let it slide. She’d figure it out, or drop the job. Either way, once we got through the heist night itself, I’d be in the clear, and two million dollars richer.
Oh yeah. It was all coming together.